


So an Uzumaki Delves Into a Scroll

by Drindrak



Series: Drindrak's Naruto Crack!Fics [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Edo Tensei, Everyone is kinda OOC, Gen, Naruto is an Idiot, Revived Shinobi, Sarcastic Madara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 31,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1738580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drindrak/pseuds/Drindrak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why was Uchiha Madara not amused, Senju Hashirama happy, and Senju Tobirama confused? Because a 12 year old Naruto learned the Edo Tensei. Crack fic. Lots of OOC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Uzumaki, an Uchiha, and Two Kage

**Author's Note:**

> Ahem, this is from my Fanfiction.net profile. I am slowly but surely putting a few of my fics on here and I am planning on updating to both.

"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Uzumaki Naruto yelled, and a clone popped into existence next to him. The two Narutos grinned at each other. "Alright! I did on the first try! After only a half hour too!" He cheered for a few more minutes, before frowning. "But... Mizuki-sensei said he'd meet me here in two hours." He eyed the scroll. "If I show him two jutsu I can get extra credit and beat Sasuke!" He rolled the scroll open more. He scanned the jutsu listed in it, before his eyes landed on a cool looking one. "This jutsu looks so cool! Summoning, Edo Tensei!" He read the hand seals and jumped to perform them.

* * *

The Kyuubi, watching from Naruto's eyes, smirked. That jutsu may be an abomination to nature, but his container did need some better protection. But with his pitiful (at least to the Kyuubi) chakra, he'd never be able to summon anything. As such, Kyuubi deemed this situation fit for a little hint of his chakra.

* * *

As Naruto neared the last hand seal, he felt an enormous power well up inside him. He ignored it for now, and slammed his hand to the ground. "SUMMONING! EDO TENSEI!" Of course, Naruto did not know that the Edo Tensei required sacrifices. By all laws of jutsu physics, the Edo Tensei shouldn't have worked. However, by some twisted trick of fate Naruto got lucky, and got the only three souls able to be summoned without a sacrifice.

* * *

Uchiha Madara was not amused. He had been enjoying a beautiful after life with his brother and family, as they ruled over Konoha. He had felt incredibly tired during a simple dinner, and then, he woke in a wooden box. The lid to the box fell off, revealing some snot nosed brat standing a few feet away, eyes wide in awe. What caught his interest the most, though, was that the brat had that secret scroll Hashirama had been working on before Madara had left. As he stepped from the box, he spotted two other boxes, and almost immediately recognized the two. _'Well. This should get interesting.'_

* * *

Senju Hashirama, the First Hokage, was happy. Why? Well, he honestly had no idea why he was so happy. He just was. He had been enjoying a nice lunch with his wife and children and grandchildren. And then suddenly, he awoke in a box. Well, actually, he realized he was in a coffin. The coffin lid fell off, showing a blond-haired preteen. He sensed a familiar chakra to his left, and he looked over as he stepped from the coffin. His eyes settled on his childhood friend and rival, and Hashirama grinned. _'Sweet! Looks like Mada-chan is here too!'_

* * *

Senju Tobirama was confused. He had been laying in a peaceful, blank state, enjoying the freedom of not needing to fight. And then, his eyes opened. He saw colours for the first time in years, although it was still pretty dark in the... box? Why was he in a box? He frowned. _'Who stuck me in a box and revive... oh no.'_ His frown deepened as the lid to the box crashed to the ground. He was about to give his summoner a piece of his mind, only to see a blond preteen before him, the Forbidden Scroll of Seals open before him. Some movement in the corner of his eye alerted him to his brother and his brother's rival stepping from their own boxes. He raised a hand to his head, prepared to fight the already oncoming headache. _'This is going to get bad, real fast.'_


	2. Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiruzen is given the report of what happens, and regrets many a thing in his life.

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, sighed wearily as he looked over the five people standing before him. His eyes landed on the person standing a ways off to the side of the group. This was Umino Iruka, a young Chunin and Academy instructor. Iruka had found Naruto out near an abandoned shack in the forest, the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing laying forgotten at the boy's feet.

* * *

Hiruzen had accepted that report, and turned to look at the bright ball of energy that was Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto explained that Mizuki, another Academy instructor (who, strangely, had not been seen since he pounded on Iruka's door a few hours earlier), had asked him to steal the scroll and learn a jutsu. In exchange for the scroll, Mizuki would have made Naruto a Genin. Hiruzen almost had a heart-attack when Naruto claimed to have not only learned a jutsu from the scroll, but two, _**strictly** **forbidden**_ , jutsu; the Shadow Clone Jutsu and the Summoning: Edo Tensei.

* * *

Which would explain why he was now staring into the faces of his former teachers and an old Uchiha. And, to make matters worse, Hiruzen discovered that being dead did not mellow Hashirama out, as he had hoped. Instead, the former Hokage seemed to have only gotten more annoying (despite that being next to impossible) and more Naruto-ish.

* * *

It was ten minutes into the report that he was told of **The** **Fight.** Madara, living up to the Uchiha name, made a comment about Hashirama, which lead to the two having what could only be described as a cat-fight. Hair pulling, scratching, biting, punching, kicking, and insults. Tobirama had, after watching them go at it for a few minutes in amusement, attempted to stop them.

* * *

...only to get a large hand-print on his face and torn clothes for his efforts. It took a laughing Naruto creating thousands of clones and piling on top of them to stop them.

* * *

After the report ended and he dismissed them, Hiruzen was ready to smash his head into his desk. Repeatedly. he sighed for the umpteenth time that night and slumped into his chair. He glared at the ceiling and mumbled under his breath,

"I _**knew**_ I should have done the sealing in Minato's steed. His damned kid is going to be the death of me."


	3. You're Drunk, Madara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara holds extreme disdain with Naruto's apartment, and decides that getting drunk is the best way to deal with it.

"...You live here?" Madara asked, as Naruto lead him, Hashirama, and Tobirama up to the top floor of a shabby apartment building. Naruto blinked, and turned to him.

"Well, yeah, what's wrong with it?" Madara twitched.

"Aside from the fact that it looks... disgusting, shabby, blegh?" He said, gesturing around with his arm. He specifically glared at what looked like mold growing on the door frame, the poorly drawn Uzumaki clan symbols all around, and the suspicious odd stain that he would have to walk on should he try to get inside- the normal, civilian way. He could always ninja his way in.

"...I don't understand." Naruto said, as Hashirama snickered from behind Madara. Madara growled, and turned to the former Hokage.

"He's worse than your one kid was!" Hashirama gave him a confused look.

"Which kid?" Tobirama stepped in here.

"You know, that one, I think his hair was, like, red or something?" Hashirama just shrugged.

"I'll have you know that I had at least four redheaded kids. And it was all my wife's fault." Madara rolled his eyes, and jumped over the suspicious stain into Naruto's apartment. As soon as he was inside, he immediately turned and stalked back out the door, muttering about empty ramen cups and disgusting parentless teenagers.

"Hey, Madara, where are you going?" Tobirama asked. The Uchiha just flipped him the bird, and continued on his way.

"...I think he's gonna see Old Man Hokage." Naruto said, and the two Hokage nodded. They all entered into his apartment, and decided to wait until Madara returned.

* * *

Madara returned alright. Just, he wasn't exactly sober. "Hey- hic- Hashi-chan!" He shouted through the door of Naruto's apartment, as he pounded mercilessly on it. Hashirama opened the door a few seconds later, and glared.

"Madara Uchiha! It is three in the morning! Where were- Are you drunk! What the hell man, we could've gotten drunk together, why didn't you say anything!" Madara just huffed and pushed past him into the apartment.

"I dun- hic- I mean, I'm not drunk." Hashirama just levelled him with a stare that clearly said he wasn't amused. "I'm serious as cereal!"

"...Right." Madara whirled around to yell at Hashirama, only to fall onto the ground.

"Help- hic- me! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Hashirama couldn't do anything other than sigh.


	4. SubPlot: Sasuke Uchiha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke knew that training til early morning was a bad idea.

Sasuke sighed as he walked home from training. He had fallen asleep in the middle of his daily katas, so now he was walking home at three in the morning. He rounded a corner, and froze. There, standing in front of a bar, was a man that looked exactly like his ancestor, Madara. But it couldn't be, Madara was dead. Even if he was still alive, he'd be over 100 years! Yet here he was, looking no older than twenty. Sasuke shook his head, and continued walking.

"Hey! Hic, You an Uchiha?" The strange Madara look-alike said, as he drunkenly stumbled towards him. Sasuke blinked in confusion. Everyone, and he meant everyone, knew that he was the last living Uchiha, aside from his traitor of a brother. Sasuke decided to humour the man.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. Let me guess, you're Uchiha Madara?" The man stared at him, and the Sharingan whirled to life in the look-alike's eyes. It spun for a few seconds, causing Sasuke to wonder just who this man was, before it faded, and the man regained his drunken stupor.

"How'd ya- hic- know?" Madara asked, before drunkenly stumbling off in the direction of the Dobe's apartment. Not that Sasuke knew where that idiot lived! Sasuke watched the man for a few more seconds, before shaking his head again.

"No more training 'til I pass out... Far too many weird hallucinations." Like that one he had earlier, when he thought he saw Naruto beat up Madara and the First Hokage using clones. Sasuke sighed once more, and continued his way to the Uchiha Compound.


	5. Tobirama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama hops through windows and Naruto is rather forgetful.

"NARUTO! Get up, you're going to be late!" Tobirama shouted, pounding on Naruto's bedroom door. Said blond sleepily opened the door, rubbing his eyes.

"I'll be late for what?" Naruto mumbled with a yawn.

"The academy graduation." Naruto blinked, then slammed the door. Rustling was heard for a few seconds, before the, now dressed, blond ran out of the apartment. "Wait..." Tobirama peeked into the room, and noticed Naruto's headband on the ground. He sighed, and picked it up. "HASHIRAMA!" He shouted, and his fellow Hokage's dishevelled head peeked out from around the corner.

"What." Tobirama raised a brow at him.

"What did you and Madara do last night?" It was obvious that Hashirama had a major hangover.

"Ugh. Don't remind me."

"Kay. I'm going to go give Naruto his headband. Keep Madara in check, and meet me at the Hokage building in a half hour." Hashirama waved his hand dismissively.

* * *

Tobirama jumped roof to roof on his way to the Ninja Academy. Once he was there, he scoped out Naruto's chakra. It was heading right to the classroom right above him. "Huh, that was kinda easy." Tobirama jumped up, clung to the wall with his chakra, and walked right up and into the classroom via the window.

"The second Hokage, what?!" That was what most people said, as they pointed to him. Tobirama smiled slightly.

"Yo, I'm just here to give Naruto his headband." He said, just as Naruto walked through the door. The blond's eyes lit up at the sight of him.

"Tobirama-ojii-san! What'cha doing here?" Naruto asked, as he ran closer to him. Tobirama glared.

"Call me aniki or something, just not Ojii-san! I'm not that old you brat!" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways, Tobirama-aniki, what'cha doing here?" Tobirama handed him his headband.

"You forgot this." He looked up at the clock. "I got to go. I'll see you later, Naruto!" He waved at Naruto, and then the class, before hopping out the window, heading towards the Hokage building. The class turned to Naruto.

"You know Tobirama-sama?" One of them asked. Naruto grinned.

"Yeah, aniki, Hashirama-jii-san, and Madara-oji all live with me!" A few people looked ready to faint. Iruka walked in, and smiled.

"Everyone ready for team assignments?"


	6. No PDAing Madara's Descendants, Naruto!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto and Sasuke share a romantic first kiss, and Madara sasses them.

Naruto grinned from his spot next to his not-so-secret crush, Sakura. He had finally passed graduation and became a Genin! Iruka cleared his throat, and everyone stopped talking.

"Good. Now, I'll announce your teams! Team One..." Iruka chattered on, and Naruto tuned him out. Until he heard his own name be called. "Team Seven, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke. Your team is... special, and, by orders of Hokage-sama, you three have three supporting sensei, along with your Jounin sensei." Naruto thought over his team for a second, before jumping out of his seat with a shout. He pointed to the brooding Uchiha sitting on Sakura's other side.

"Iruka-sensei! Why does an elite shinobi like me have to be on Sasuke-teme's team!" Sasuke glared at him. Iruka sighed.

"Naruto, you graduated dead-last. We put you with the two highest scoring students." Naruto pouted, and sat back down. Iruka continued announcing teams, gave a final speech about how happy he was for them to be graduating, and left the room. Naruto huffed angrily, and placed himself right in front of Sasuke. They glared at each other, before one of the students in front of them knocked Naruto towards Sasuke, and, well, they ended up kissing. At that moment, the door slid open, and an amused chuckled rang through the room.

"Now, Naruto-kun, I don't hate you for your sexual orientation, but I'd prefer no PDA's in front of me with my descendants." Naruto and Sasuke quickly separated, sporting blushes, and glared at the highly amused looking Madara Uchiha standing in the doorway.

"SHUT IT MADARA-OJI!" Naruto shouted, before rubbing at his mouth. Sasuke was leaning over the side of the desk, dry heaving. Madara just chuckled again, and walked into the room. After him, Hashirama and Tobirama came in as well. Hashirama was smirking and trying not to laugh, and Tobirama was sighing.

"Team Seven, please come with us. Your Jounin sensei is going to be two hours late anyways." Hashirama said, gesturing for the three to follow them out.


	7. SubPlot: Uchiha Itachi and the Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi gets a strange letter in the mail...

Uchiha Itachi was surprised. Zetsu had appeared in his room early that morning, and handed him a note. He had spent several hours after that trying to figure out exactly what his little brother was trying to tell him in it.

_Itachi,_

_I'll have you know, I still hate you with a passion. But I need some advice. A lot of advice. Now, what would you do if you were walking home from late night training, and saw one of your most powerful ancestors completely and utterly drunk? Well, it happened to me. I was walking home and I saw an extremely drunk Madara Uchiha. I have to stop writing here, as I need to get to the academy. Send me a letter back. Your former home address._

_Still hating your guts,_

_Uchiha Sasuke._

Really, Itachi was confused. For one thing, what good did Tobi have to reveal himself to Sasuke? And what would he be doing in a bar in Konoha? But enough of that right now. Itachi had a letter to write and advice to give. All he had to do now was fine a piece of paper and a pen.


	8. Madara's Guide to Introducing Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara requests that Team 7 introduce themselves.

"Introduce yourselves." Madara said. All three genin in front of him tilted their heads in confusion. Sakura shyly held up a hand.

"Ano... How are we supposed to do introduce ourselves?" Madara rolled his eyes.

"Likes, dislikes, who you love, who you hate, who you want to have sex with, you know, the usual greetings." Madara chuckled at the blushes on all three genin's faces.

"Alright! Madara's descendant first!" Hashirama said, pointing at Sasuke.

"...I am Uchiha Sasuke. I don't particularly like anything, and I hate a lot of things. I don't love anyone, and I hate my brother." Madara raised a brow.

"You didn't finish." Sasuke blushed and glared.

"...I don't exactly wish to have sexual interactions with a girl." Hashirama smirked, as did Madara.

"So you wish to have some with another boy?" Hashirama asked smugly. Sasuke blushed more.

"NO! NEVER!" Sasuke shouted in denial. Tobirama, who had been standing off to the side in silence, sighed, and decided to end Sasuke's torment for the day.

"Continuing on. Pinkie, it's your turn." Sakura nodded. Sasuke sagged in relief, burying his still red face in his arms.

"I'm Haruno Sakura... I like..." She looked towards Sasuke and blushed. "I dislike loud blondes!" Naruto frowned at that. "I love..." Another look towards Sasuke, coupled with a blush. "I hate Naruto! And Ino!" Sakura shouted, and Naruto pouted at her. "I want to... uh.." She blushed dark red. "...have... uh, sex with... uh... Sas..." And Sakura blushed even more, fainting from all the blood rushing to her head. The two previous Hokage and Madara blinked.

"O...kay. Naruto, you're up." Naruto nodded.

"I am Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen and playing pranks! I dislike... uh... the three minutes you have to wait for your instant ramen to finish! I love..." He blushed, and sneaked a glance at Sakura. "I don't particularly hate anyone." Naruto blushed more. "...and I don't want TO HAVE SEX YET!" He shouted, quite loudly. Tobirama covered the blond's mouth.

"That's good for you, but you don't have to shout it out for everyone to hear." Naruto nodded, and Tobirama removed his hand. A puff of smoke appeared in front of them. A grey haired man raised his hand in a slight wave.

"Yo, sorry I'm late."


	9. SubPlot: Itachi's Response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke gets a strange letter in the mail too...

After their extremely embarrassing introductions, and Kakashi being late, everyone went home. Sasuke was still blushing a little, as he walked through his home's doorway. Before he could close the door, a crow swooped down and slammed into his forehead.

"OW! Damn birds..." The crow huffed, landed on Sasuke's couch, and held out his leg.

"Caw." Sasuke glared at the bird.

"That had better be an important letter you have, otherwise you're dinner." Sasuke mumbled, as he unfolded the piece of paper he took from the crow. "Oh, that bastard responded."

* * *

_Dear Otouto,_

_This is Itachi. I was surprised you had messaged me. I don't exactly know what I would do if I was in your position. I suppose I would ask if he really was who he said he you had already done that and it turns out he is who he says he is... well, I don't know. Figure it out yourself._

_Itachi_

_PS. Ask Madara why he is there in the first place, and send me his response in another message. Also, poke yourself on the forehead for me._

* * *

"Tch. I messaged him to get help, but all he does is tell me to figure it out myself. Bastard... where's a pen..." Sasuke muttered to himself for a few more seconds, penning out half of his response, before straightening. "Where is Madara, anyways?"

* * *

**Half way across Konoha...**

"You see Naruto, that man there and that _entertainer_ there-" Madara said, pointing at two people in the adjacent alley from their spot on the roof. "-are about to preform sex. Now, watch closely." Madara smirked, his arm around Naruto so to prevent the pre-teen from running.

"Madara-oji, why am I... OH GOD! WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS!" Naruto screamed, covered his eyes, and fell off the roof.

"Oh come on, Naruto. It's not that bad. It's all natural. Someday you will be doing that."

"NEVER!"


	10. Kakashi's Slightly Scared of Sasuke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi really wants back into ANBU service.

Kakashi looked over his Genin team, as they sat in Ichiraku's ramen bar, after catching a cat for their first ever mission. He hadn't had any need to go through the bell test, as the Hokage told him that, no matter what, his team was passing. They had to pass, the Hokage told him, otherwise Madara and Hashirama would become rivals yet again, and destroy another valley, thus creating another Valley of End.

Speaking of the two old geezers, Kakashi had decided that he absolutely despises Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama. Tobirama was okay in his eyes, but the other two were demon spawn.

What had the two done?

Well, on their cat catching mission, they had somehow managed to convince Sasuke that the cat was Itachi in disguise. And, by the gods above, Kakashi had never seen so much carnage come from a twelve year old. It scared him slighty.

* * *

And now they were all celebrating, Hashirama and Madara smirking, Tobirama shaking his head and sighing, Naruto wolfing ramen down, Sakura cooing at the replacement cat they had to buy for the client, and Sasuke sitting smugly, eating a plate of tomatos.

Kakashi sat a little ways away from the group, in the case that he had to make a quick get away. He shivered in remembrance of the look on Sasuke's face as he pretty much slaughtered everything in sight to get to the cat.

Kakashi stood, and left the ramen bar silently. He was not ready to teach a Genin team yet. "...I wonder if the Hokage will allow me to resign from Jounin and return to ANBU..." He wondered out loud to himself, as he sped towards the Hokage's tower. _'Please, dear god please, let him say yes!'_


	11. Kakashi's a Bigger Pervert Than Madara?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiruzen crushes a man's dreams, and Kakashi's Icha Icha is missing.

"No." With that one word, Kakashi wilted, falling to the floor. He moaned and groaned and writhed on the floor, before whispering,

"Why not?" Hiruzen glared at the man laying pitifully on his floor.

"Because I said so, and you have to listen to me, since I am the Hokage." Kakashi glared right back.

"At least get Hashirama and Madara off my team!" Hiruzen raised a brow.

"What about Tobirama?" Kakashi sighed, and lifted himself off the floor.

"He's fine. He's actually better than fine." Kakashi's lone eye filled with hope. "I know! You can make him the sensei of the team! Then I can go back into AN-"

_**"NO."**_ Kakashi crossed his arms and started brooding.

"Why not!"

"Do you honestly believe I would allow a dead man, who is under _**Naruto's**_ control lead a Genin team?"

"But he's much more sane than Hashirama and he's not as perverted as Madara!" Hiruzen glared harsher at him.

_**"I said NO."**_ Kakashi pouted, not that Hiruzen could see under the silver haired man's mask.

"Fine." He turned and started to leave the room.

"And you better go to team training tomorrow." Kakashi slammed the door behind him, for once using it instead of the window.

* * *

As he walked (more like sulked) down the road to his apartment, Kakashi had a fleeting thought. _'Maybe I can go rogue?'_ He thought a bit on it, before realizing that the Hokage would send those two demon spawn and his supposed Genin team after him. Tobirama would, of course, just tag along to make sure Kakashi survives in one piece... _'Or would the Hokage ban Tobirama-sama from going on the mission and simply send those hell spawns?'_ Kakashi shuddered, and quickly unlocked his apartment. _'Better not chance it...'_

He lay in bed later that night, and wondered to himself, _'How late can I be for "team training"...'_ He fell asleep soon afterwards, never noticing the shadows creeping around his apartment.

* * *

Madara smirked, and Hashirama and Naruto grinned. Tobirama, who had come along to figure out exactly what the three were up to, sighed.

"He's going to kill you guys, you know that?" Tobirama looked up to the mountain. "Hiruzen will too."

* * *

When Kakashi woke the next morning, he couldn't find his Icha Icha. Oh well, he'll just have to buy another copy later. He walked outside, out onto the road, before having the oddest urge to look at the Hokage Monument. He turned to it, and almost shrieked in rage. There, splattered across half the Hokage Monument, was the pages of his Icha Icha Paradise. There was nothing on the first two Hokage, but the pages covered his sensei's face and the Third's. And, written on Minato's forehead, were the words,

_"KAKASHI-SENSEI IS A STINKY PERVERT!"_ And, under that in elegant script, which he placed as Uchiha from earlier encounters of Uchiha handwriting,

_"IGNORE NARUTO, HE SUCKS AT INSULTS"_ And, to make matters worse, next to the Uchiha script was,

_"HATAKE KAKASHI IS A BIGGER PERVERT THAN MADARA!"_ Kakashi could just make out that someone had tried over and over to cross out Madara's name. Kakashi glared venomously at the words, and dashed towards the training grounds. Those hell spawns were going to pay.


	12. Of Lightning Blades and Susano'o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara is easily drawn into fights and Kakashi learns that Lightning Blades can't pierce Susano'o armour.

"Now Naruto-kun, I'm sure your sensei is not going to kill us." Madara said, patting Naruto on the head. Naruto huffed and crossed his arms. Hashirama had turned to say something, when Kakashi came barrelling out of the trees. Hashirama looked towards the livid man, before sighing.

"Famous last words, Madara." Madara rolled his eyes.

"What's he going to do to me? I have the bloody Sharingan." Kakashi lifted his headband from his covered eye, and started making hand signs. "Now, that right there is cheating. Let me return the favour." Madara stated, activating his Sharingan. The sound of crackling lightning and, oddly, thousands of birds, filled the air. The three men and one Genin took a look at Kakashi's hand, which was covered in lightning.

"...Naruto, perhaps we should sit this fight out." Tobirama said, ushering the frightened blond off the battlefield. As soon as they were off the field, Kakashi sped towards the two remaining men, disappearing from view a few feet from their faces.

" **LIGHTNING BLADE!** " A hand appeared through Madara's chest, making said Uchiha sigh.

"Seriously? Was that supposed to kill me?" Kakashi glared, and pulled his hand out.

"...yes." Hashirama coughed, covering up his laugh. He had decided to sit off to the side, and let Madara battle it out with the Copy-Nin. Kakashi turned his glare to Hashirama, and jumped back from the, now smirking sadistically, Madara.

"That sad excuse of a move was supposed to be an assassination technique!" He chuckled, and started pouring chakra to his eyes. "I'll show you an assassination technique!" His Sharingan morphed into his Eternal Mangekyou. His chakra started forming a blue rib cage around his entire body. " **Susano'o!** " The rib cage around him started to become more humanoid looking. Kakashi stared and stepped back further. Hashirama cursed.

"Goddammit Madara! Knock it off! That's going to far! " Hashirama made a single hand seal. " **Wood Style! Wood Dragon Jutsu!** " A dragon made of wood appeared, and circled around Madara. It latched onto Madara, and tightened around him to hold him in place.

"Hashirama! Let me go! I will teach this fool about disrespecting an Uchiha!" Madara glared and tried to remove himself from Hashirama's dragon.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Madara stopped struggling, and turned to see who had interrupted him. His Susano'o slowly died and he smirked. Hiruzen stood at the edge of the training grounds they were in, a very angry look on his face.

"Nothing is going on. Nothing at all..." He gave Kakashi an 'Once I'm out of this dragon I'm gonna kill you, resurrect you, then kill you again' look. Kakashi jumped, and ran to the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama! Save me! Please, for the love of god, let me off this team!" Kakashi hid behind the now sighing Hiruzen. Hiruzen looked around.

"...where's Tobirama-sensei and Naruto-kun?"

* * *

"...and then I was like, POW BITCH! Eat my shadow clones! And Madara-jii was screaming like a girl, but I think that was really because Hashirama-ojii was shouting in his ear to run, and that Hashirama-ojii was pulling on his, and I quote, 'thick luscious locks of beautiful hair'." Naruto blabbed on about his graduation test to Teuchi, who was nodding and listening raptly to Naruto's story. Naruto and Tobirama had decided to blow off training, and sat in Ichiraku's ramen stand for breakfast. Tobirama just took another bite of his ramen and smiled slightly.

"It's true, Teuchi-san. I was there." Teuchi shook his head.

"I still can't believe Naruto had stolen the forbidden scroll, learned two whole techniques from it, summoned three very powerful ninja, and then proceeded to beat the hell out of two of them." The ramen maker grinned. "Ayame! Another bowl for Tobirama-sama, and four more for Naruto!"


	13. Staring at Hokages for C Rank Missions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiruzen doesn't like being stared at, and he gets revenge via the Uchiha.

Kakashi stared at Hiruzen.

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, who were standing behind Kakashi, stared at Hiruzen.

Hiruzen stared back.

Kakashi eye-smiled, and stared more.

Hiruzen twitched and glared. "FINE!" He shouted, and started looking through the scrolls on his desk. Kakashi grinned under his mask.

"You mean it?" The Jounin asked. Hiruzen sighed, and handed Kakashi a blue scroll.

"Yes Kakashi. Your team can have a C-Rank mission. And you can leave one of your so-called demon spawns in the village. However, I get to choose who, and Tobirama stays behind as well." Hiruzen turned to the door. "SEND IN TAZUNA!" He shouted, before turning back to the ninja before him. Kakashi groaned.

"But you're going to choose Madara to come with!" Hiruzen grinned a sinister grin.

"You know, I was going to suggest that Madara stay here, but since you want him to go along, Hashirama will remain behind." Kakashi whimpered slightly.

"B-But Madara wants to kill me! You can't leave me alone with him!"

"Hey! Madara-oji is awesome! Why would he want to kill you pervert-sensei?" Naruto asked (more like shouted). Kakashi glared at the blond, and didn't respond. Hiruzen chuckled.

"Naruto-kun, Kakashi insulted the Uchiha clan." Sasuke, who was not really paying attention, glared at Kakashi.

"You insulted my clan?!" Hiruzen smirked, and Kakashi shivered.

"You know, Sasuke-kun, I remember Kakashi saying that he knew where Itachi was. He told me he wasn't going to tell you anything." Sasuke froze. After a few seconds, his glare was harsh enough to melt people.

"I'm really starting to hate you, Hokage-sama. Really." Kakashi hissed. Sasuke took an intimidating step towards Kakashi.

"First you insult my clan... and now you refuse to give me vital information on Itachi?! I'll kill you!" Kakashi glared at Hiruzen, and shushined behind him. He raised a kunai, ready to impale the chuckling Hokage. A cough sounded from the doorway. A drunk looking old man stood there, a bottle of sake in his hands. The man looked at Hiruzen.

"...are you sure these people can protect me and my bridge?" Hiruzen sighed, and reluctantly nodded.

"I'm pretty sure, Tazuna-san. But don't worry too much about it. You will have Uchiha Madara joining you on this mission." Tazuna blinked.

"I thought Uchiha Madara was dead?"

"I thought I was too. Huh, too bad fate favours the Uchiha." Madara's voice echoed through the room. Said Uchiha was sitting on the window sill, smirking at Kakashi. "And Hatake-san, I haven't forgotten that you insulted my clan."


	14. Naruto's a Idiot, and Madara's Sarcastic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is, no matter what anyone says, an Idiot.

It was official. Kakashi was going to die on this mission. And it was most likely going to be Madara's fault.

Said Uchiha had not stopped smirking and glaring at him for the entire twenty minutes they had been walking for. It did not help that Madara was whispering to Sasuke about something, and Sasuke was slowly getting a more and more venomous glare on his face. Every now and then, Sasuke would glare at him, before muttering about weasels and Kakashi's apparent non-existent teaching skills.

* * *

They had been walking for three hours already. And Kakashi was getting jumpy at the fact that neither Madara or Sasuke had attempted to murder him yet. Kakashi could feel his hand slowly but surely inching towards his kunai pouch. He gave the two Uchiha one more look over. It was then that he noticed Madara had activated his Sharingan, and was smirking a bit too evilly. Sasuke was sneering and glaring at Kakashi.

* * *

Kakashi felt himself shiver in anticipation. And a bit in fear. He was about to purposely start the battle between the three of them, even though he knew it was suicide. Oh how he hoped someone would just break the tense silence between them...

And then, as though she was Godsend, Sakura just had to ask,

"Kakashi-sensei, do they have shinobi in Wave Country?" Kakashi felt like crying tears of joy. But he was a well-respected Jounin, he would settle for a small, barely noticeable tear to run down his cheek. He turned to her with a slight smile.

"No, Sakura, Wave Country has no shinobi. If they need shinobi help, they could just ask one of the nearby Hidden Villages' Kage for help." Kakashi noted that Naruto scrunched his face up in confusion.

"Wait, wait, wait! There are **_Kage?_ ** I thought there was just the Hokage, dattebayo!" Kakashi felt like smacking the living hell out of the instructors at the Academy and Naruto. What the hell did he learn in that god-forsaken place?! Kakashi rubbed his temples.

"Naruto, there are five Kage. The Hokage, the Tsuchikage, the Mizukage, the Raikage, and the Kazekage. They each run one of the major hidden villages." He vaguely noticed that Madara had tuned into the conversation. Naruto nodded, and bounded ahead. Madara smirked again, and stared out into the distance. Kakashi followed his line of view, and spotted a puddle. He heard, **_heard!,_ ** Madara roll his eyes.

"Oh yes, because a puddle in the middle of the road during dry season is so not noticeable." Madara growled out, a slight sarcastic edge to his voice. "Dumbass amateurs."


	15. Large Words, Demon Brothers, and Poker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi really, REALLY wants back into ANBU service.

Kakashi's eye twitched, as he recalled the events of the last few seconds.

* * *

The so-called Demon Brothers appeared out of the puddle on the road. They had targeted him, and had their chain wrapped around him, until one of them just happened to look in Madara's direction.

"HOLY FU-" The one started to shout. Madara was up in his face a second later, smirk in place. The Uchiha's hand clamped around the man's throat.

"Now, now, there is no need for such vulgar language in front of children." The man whimpered and struggled.

"WAIT, WAIT! What does vulgar mean?!" Naruto shouted, confused. Madara turned to the blond, and sighed.

"...sometimes I forget that you're _**that**_ stupid." He shook his head. "You see Naruto-kun, vulgar is another word for bad. That is simple enough words for you to understand, right?" Naruto glared at the comment lodged at his intelligence, before nodding. The man in Madara's hold whimpered once again, and Madara returned his attention to him. "Oh, I forgot about you for a second." Madara smirked sadistically. "You want to experience something trippy?" Kakashi snorted at Madara. What kind of self-respecting shinobi said 'trippy'?

"Can you hurry up Madara-ojii? I'm getting BORED!" Naruto shouted again, before taking out a deck of cards and inviting Sasuke and Sakura to a poker game. Madara rolled his eyes.

"Fine. **Mangekyou Sharingan!** "

* * *

And that's what happened. Currently, Madara still had one of the Demon Brother's in his hold and locked in his Genjutsu. Kakashi had honestly not given a single damn about the other brother, so when said brother ran off, he didn't give chase. Two sets of thuds came from behind him. He turned to see the one person he had begged to come on this mission, and his annoying brother.

"OI! We're not late for the party, right?" Hashirama asked, taking a few steps towards Madara. Tobirama sighed, and walked up to Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, who were still playing their game of poker.

"You three are not injured, right?" Tobirama asked them. The three of them looked up from their cards, and shook their heads.

"Hey, Tobirama-sama, wanna join?" Sakura asked, holding up two cards to him. The previous Hokage seemed to contemplate the offer, before accepting. It was the exact moment he sat down that Madara released his Genjutsu and hold upon the Demon Brother. The old Uchiha blinked, and looked around.

"Ah, when did you two get here?" He asked, looking pointedly at Hashirama.

"They just arrived." Kakashi said. Madara nodded.

"I see. You are here to join the mission, yes?" Tobirama smiled and laid down his cards in front of the Genin.

"Royal Flush, amateurs." The three Genin groaned and forked over all the ryo in their pockets. Tobirama smirked, and looked up at Madara. "Actually, Madara, we were sent to see if you and-slash-or Sasuke had brutally murdered Kakashi yet. However, we were also told to join the mission if any of the Genin involved were compromi-"

"Oh stop with your large words!" Hashirama shouted, interrupting his brother. "We are joining this mission no matter what that old monkey has to say!" Kakashi smiled. Maybe he wouldn't be brutally murdered on this mission. "...and I would like to see exactly how you'll manage to off Kakashi!" Kakashi wilted.

On second thought, he might want to see if he can simply survive until they reached the village once again. In four weeks. Kakashi groaned. _'The Hokage better allow me to transfer back into ANBU or for the love of any gods watching I can't guarantee the safety of the two old coots or the blasted "last" Uchiha!'_


	16. The Cow Print Parachute Pants Ninja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry Madara. Everyone has an idiot moment every now and then.

Everyone stared, rather amused, at a pouting Madara Uchiha sitting, quite pathetically, inside a sphere of water created by one Zabuza Momochi. Kakashi smirked. All he had to do now was wait until the old coot died of oxygen loss...

Now, how did Madara get trapped in said sphere of water in the first place? Well, it went like this...

* * *

Fifteen minutes earlier, after leaving the comatose Demon Brother to the animals, they were in a rowboat. Well, Team 7 was in a rowboat. Hashirama, Tobirama, and Madara all decided to walk beside the boat, causing the three Genin to stare in awe at them.

"Ne, ne, Madara-ojii! Can you teach me to do that!" Naruto shouted, completely ignoring the shush that came from the rower. Madara chuckled, and patted Naruto on the head.

"Sorry Naruto-kun. You need to complete the Tree Walking exercise first." Sakura peered up at Madara.

"Tree walking?" She asked. Naruto tilted his head in confusion.

"Yeah, yeah! Madara-ojii what'cha mean by that!" They never got a response, as they had reached land. Team 7 was left to clamber out of the boat as the three resurrected men walked on.

* * *

After walking for a few more minutes, Naruto suddenly flung a kunai into a bush. Tobirama nodded proudly at him, even though the only thing that came from the bush was a white rabbit. Sakura whacked Naruto on the back of his head.

"YOU IDIOT! Why the hell did you throw that kunai for! You scared that poor rabbit!" Naruto gasped, and rushed to the rabbit, petting and hugging it to calm it down. Hashirama narrowed his eyes.

"...white..." He muttered, looking around for any threats. Madara smirked, and looked up into a tree.

"Now, this one's not so much of an amateur!" He made a few hand seals in quick succession. " **Fire Style! Dragon Flame Jutsu!** " A large fire dragon flew from his mouth to the tree. A swish was heard, before Madara disappeared. Reappearing a few seconds later on a small river a few feet away. "Got you!" He said, Sharingan whirling to life in his eyes. His eyes widened fractionally. "No you're not the real-" Water rushed up from below and enclosed him.

" **Water Style, Water Prison Jutsu.** " Madara pouted. He glared at a laughing Hashirama.

"SHUT UP HASHIRAMA!" He shouted, but that just made the First Hokage laugh harder.

"Y-You-" Laugh. "-got caught by-" More laughing. "-a man in cow-print parachute pants!" He laughed more, causing two of the three Genin behind him to snicker. Kakashi coughed.

"That's Zabuza Momochi. A-Rank missing Mist nin." Hashirama smirked.

"Still, he's wearing _**parachute**_ ** _pants_.** Cow-print ones! How un-ninja like is that!" Madara glared, and did a few hand seals.

"I'LL KILL YOU! **Fire Style! Fireball Jutsu!** " The rather large stream of fire that spewed out of his mouth didn't even leave the ball of water he was in. "OW! OW! HOLY HELL THAT'S HOT!" He shouted, as the water bubbled and boiled from his fireball. Everyone watched, both amused and horror-stricken, as his skin seemed to peel and heal all over again. An uncomfortable silence settled on them all. It was Hashirama who broke it, by laughing once more.

"Come on Madara! Even I know you can't break out of a Water Prison by _**Fireball!**_ Geez sometimes you're stupider than Naruto-kun!"

"HEY!" Came the shout from both Naruto and Madara. Kakashi sighed, as did Tobirama, while Madara just glared and pouted.


	17. Interruption of Madara's Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just have to let a man kill another man.

Madara huffed, and crossed his arms. There was only one way out of this **Water Prison**. His Sharingan whirled, slowly shifting into his Mangekyo.

" **Susa-** " He started, but was interrupted by Naruto.

"Don't worry Madara-ojii! I'll save you!" He made a cross hand seal. " **Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!** " Madara rolled his eyes as every clone was quickly beat down by Zabuza's two **Water Clones.** Naruto scrunched up his face, before slowly backing away, to his team. "On second thought! You're on your own Madara-ojii!" Madara glared.

" **Susan-** " He began again, but was interrupted by Sasuke, who through a few shuriken at Zabuza. Said shuriken were quickly deflected though. " **Susano-** " Hashirama interrupted him this time.

"Guys, stop interrupting Madara. He has something he's trying to-"

" **SUSANO'O!** " Madara shouted angrily. His chakra formed into a large humanoid shape, successfully getting him out of the **Water Prison.** Zabuza jumped back, just as Madara's **Susano'o** threw a hand down onto the place he last was. "That's it! I'm killing you three!" He shouted, sending fireballs out at Zabuza, the trees surrounding them, and Kakashi.

"Hey, hey! Why are you trying to kill me!" Kakashi shouted, dodging the fireball. Madara glared.

"You insulted the Uchiha clan. While I may not like them much, I am still an Uchiha." With that, he returned to his battle with Zabuza.

* * *

It took Madara four whole minutes to get Zabuza into a position of vulnerability. "You're finished!" Madara dropped his **Susano'o,** and raised a kunai up above an exhausted Zabuza's heart. Just as he was about to plunge it down, a set of needles punctured the missing-nin's neck. Madara pouted, and stood straight. "Dammit, someone stole my kill." A kid dressed like a hunter-nin dropped down next to the 'dead' Zabuza.

"Thank you for weakening him." Madara scrutinized the kid with his Sharingan.

"Hey, kid. Are you a girl or a boy?" Madara asked. The kid tilted his head.

"I am a boy. Are you really Madara Uchiha?" Madara smirked.

"Damn straight I am." The kid nodded, and disappeared. Madara frowned. "Hey, that was my kill!" He sighed. "Looks like I'll just have to settle for murdering Kakashi." He said, stepping off the water he was still on. He took one step before face-planting into the ground. He groaned.

"Oi Madara, you need help?" Hashirama asked, lifting Madara up from the ground. He supported him with one arm.

"Ah. I think I used a bit too much chakra." Madara said, causing Tobirama to frown.

"You shouldn't be able to have chakra exhaustion. We were resurrected through my Edo Tensei technique. We should technically be unstoppable, with no limitations, unable to die or lose chakra." Tobirama's frown deepened. "Then again, we shouldn't be able to feel pain either, yet you felt the **Water Prison** 's water boiling you alive... Something strange is happening..."


	18. If You Don't Get Enough Hugs, Madara!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi just isn't cut out for torture.

Kakashi raised a brow. "Wait, the Great Uchiha Madara has chakra exhaustion?" Madara rolled his eyes.

"You do realize that in the past week alone I've used **Susano'o** at least three times, used my Mangekyou more, used several high powered, chakra draining jutsu, and still had time to kick your ass with Taijutsu? I may be Uchiha Madara, but not even the Sage of the Six Paths was immune to chakra exhaustion." He said, before trying to pull Naruto off of him. Naruto had, at some point during the rant, attached himself to the Uchiha.

"Madara-ojii, please don't die! I don't want you to die!" He cried out, and Madara shifted awkwardly. Hashirama snickered, while Tobirama tried to remove Naruto from Madara.

"Naruto-kun, Madara is going to be fine. All he needs to do is rest." Tobirama said. "...that means you need to let go, Naruto-kun." Naruto pouted, and latched onto Tobirama.

"Only if you carry me, Tobirama-aniki."

"Naruto, stop being a lazy ass." Sakura said, pulling Naruto off of Tobirama by the back of his jumper. Once Naruto was placed on the ground, the group started walking again.

"But Sakura-chan!" He shouted, looking to Sasuke for support.

"Loser. Hn." Sasuke grunted, walking beside the client. Naruto glared.

"BASTARD!" Madara sighed, and leaned more onto Hashirama. The wood user turned to him. Madara glared at Naruto from the corner of his eyes.

"Hashirama, I am going to kill that kid someday." Hashirama frowned.

"If you do that, the jutsu would reverse, wouldn't it?"

"No." Tobirama said, coming up to walk beside them. "However, this Edo Tensei is a bit different than what was supposed to happen. We can suffer damage, yet not die, and we can get chakra exhaustion. It is possible that killing Naruto will reverse the jutsu." Tobirama turned to the orange wearing Genin, just in time to see Kakashi whispering in the blond's ear. With each word, the blond's eyes would widen and dart to Madara. "Madara, brace yourself." The Uchiha blinked, and frowned.

"For wha-" Before he could finish his sentence, Naruto had tackled him off of Hashirama, and onto the ground.

"MADARA-OJII! Please don't die! Kaka-sensei says that you'll die if you don't get enough hugs! And I don't want you to die! Again!" Naruto cried into Madara's shirt. The Uchiha turned a glare onto Kakashi. He patted Naruto's back comfortingly, as he plotted Kakashi's imminent demise. _'I'll get you Hatake. One of these days!'_


	19. Tazuna's Grandson, Hashirama's Slip-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it's best to keep a secret, secret.

Madara glared, and tried to get Naruto off of him. The blond was still crying on him, and had been doing so for the past ten minutes. Hashirama, seeing Madara's slowly rotating Sharingan, pulled Naruto off of Madara.

"Naruto-kun, please, stop harassing Madara. He has gotten plenty of hugs in his life, enough to keep him living. If it makes you feel any better, you may hug him once a day. **_Once._** " He stressed the once. Naruto nodded.

"Alright Hashirama-jii. Only once!" He grinned slightly, and walked back to Sakura and Sasuke. Kakashi, who was standing (and definitely not hiding!) behind Tobirama, sighed. He thought his torture tactic would have worked better than that. He was brought out of his musing by Tobirama saying,

"Madara, put that kunai away. No murdering Kakashi. He is team leader, remember? If you kill him, we'll have to return to Konoha, and you won't be able to kill that guy in the parachute pants." Kakashi sighed again.

"That guy's name is Zabuza."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tobirama muttered, before glaring at Madara, who still hadn't put his kunai away. "Madara, what did I say?" Madara huffed.

"Yes _**mom.** " _He mumbled sarcastically, hiding his kunai into the folds of his clothing. And with that, they continued on their way to Tazuna's house.

* * *

Sadly, though, Tazuna had a rather angry and depressed grandson. So, when the group wandered into Tazuna's house, said angry and depressed grandson took it upon himself to act like a much more asshole-ish Sasuke and insult the group.

"Who do you all think you are! You're go-" Before the kid could continue, Madara intervened.

"I do believe that I am Uchiha Madara. Who the hell are you?" Hashirama smacked him on the shoulder.

"Madara! You do not talk to children that way!" Madara glared.

"Hey, that's how I raised my kids!" Hashirama glared back.

"And look at how your clan turned out!" He pointed to Sasuke. "They all became so obsessed with power and revenge that they planned a coup and one of them killed all of them and left one emo and asshole-ish kid alive!" Sasuke blinked, confused. He then said,

"Wait, what was that?"


	20. Testing Gambling Skills via Strip Poker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto should really be kept away from gambling.

"Not right now, Sasuke-kun." Madara said, before taking an intimidating step closer to Hashirama. "At least I didn't raise my grandchildren to be drunken gamblers!" Hashirama growled.

"That was just Tsunade-chan and you know that!"

"Sure it was, and what about your other grandchild, Nawaki was it?" Hashirama flushed and looked away.

"That was a fluke. Tsunade-chan taught him to gamble."

"And you taught him to drink. What was he, twelve?" Hashirama scoffed.

"Old enough to kill, old enough to drink." Madara nodded.

"I can see the logic in that." It was then that Sasuke decided to ask, once more,

"What was that about my clan?" Hashirama and Madara glanced at each other, before Madara sighed and turned to the boy.

"It was nothing, Sasuke-kun. It happened a while ago." Sasuke blinked, confused.

"The clan was massacred twice?" Madara turned to Hashirama, and got a shrug in response.

"Of course. A **_long_** time ago." Sasuke nodded, and began a conversation with Tazuna's daughter, Tsunami, about lunch. Hashirama sighed in relief.

"That was close." Madara glared.

"If you hadn't brought that up, I wouldn't have had to have lied about it!" Madara rubbed his temples. "If you suck that much at lying even after having years to refine it, I wonder how bad you've gotten at gambling." He muttered, turning to sit at the table. Hashirama glared back at him, before sitting opposite of him.

"You want to test that?" Madara smirked.

"Yes." While the two glared at each other, Kakashi leaned down and whispered a few words to Naruto. The blond perked up, got out his deck of cards, and shouted,

"STRIP POKER!"

* * *

The game of Strip Poker did not end how anyone wanted it to. Everyone who played, which was everyone but Sakura, Tazuna's grandson, and Tsunami, was stripped down to their last sources of dignity. Hashirama was down to his undergarments, as was Kakashi, Madara only had his pants and shoes left, Sasuke was down to his forehead protector, Tazuna had passed out half way through unbuttoning his shirt, and Tobirama had only lost his kunai holster so far.

Naruto, however, was still fully clothed. And winning. By a long shot. Said whiskered blond frowned.

"This game is boring. All of my cards are these funny ones with the A's on them." To prove his point, Naruto laid his cards flat out. Two Aces were in his hand, and two aces were on the river. Everyone groaned, and folded.

"I say we kick Naruto. He's won _**every single hand.**_ It's not fair!" Hashirama said, leaning back in his chair. Madara stood up, and stretched a little.

"I'm off to bed, gents. It is midnight." Everyone glanced at the clock. Madara was right, it was midnight. Tobirama stood, and ushered the two preteens towards the giant pile of clothes in the corner of the room.

"Everyone, get redressed and get to sleep. We all will be training in the morning."


	21. Not Quite What He Had in Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama questions Madara's teaching abilities.

Tobirama smacked his forehead. When had stated that they would train earlier that morning, he do not mean **_this._**

* * *

Madara and Hashirama were trying to teach the three Genin about Anatomy. This would have been a good thing, had Madara not tried to use Kakashi as a cutting board. Everytime Madara or Hashirama would tell the three about what spot was fatal to hit, Madara tried to hit Kakashi in that spot as well. Tobirama sighed, and, for the hundredth time, stopped Madara from stabbing Kakashi in the kidneys. He ripped the kunai from the Uchiha's hands, and glared slightly.

"Madara, stop it already. You're teaching the kids all about mutiny to their superiors." Madara raised a brow, and snatched his kunai back.

"And how is that a bad thing?" Tobirama glared more.

"One child has the Sharingan, another is a Jinchuriki, and the last has almost perfect chakra control. Do the math." Madara glared back.

"I was terrible at math, and you know it. It was one of the many reasons I refused to do the Uchiha paperwork." Tobirama sighed, and turned away.

"Stop preaching disobedience." He said, before turning to the wide-eyed Genin. "Any of you kids want to learn the Tree Climbing exercise?" Naruto cheered loudly, as did Sakura, while Sasuke smirked. Naruto wrapped his arms around Tobirama.

"Yahoo! Can we learn it now, Tobirama-aniki? Huh? Huh? Can we!" Tobirama smiled softly, and patted the blond on the head.

"Sure. First, channel your chakra to your feet." The Genin nodded, determined, and made a single hand seal. "Alright, after that, just try to climb a tree using only your feet and chakra." He then demonstrated how to do it. "Got it?" Naruto grinned, and dashed up the closest tree. He made it one metre or so off the ground, before plummeting back down. Sasuke smirked, and tried it himself. He made it just over two metres before being launched back. Sakura watched her two teammates, before trying to walk up the tree. She succeeded in making all the way to the top on her first try.

"I did it!" She shouted happily, causing everyone to look up. Naruto grinned and waved at her.

"Good going, Sakura-chan!" Sasuke frowned, and tried to analyze what she did.

"Yeah..." He muttered, before attempting to walk up the tree. Naruto, seeing that Sasuke was now slowly progressing farther, copied the Uchiha. Tobirama stood off to the side. He looked up at Sakura.

"Pinkie, continue to walk up and down the tree. It will help build your chakra." He turned to the boys. "If you master this exercise by tomorrow, I'll teach you to Water Walk." He smirked when the boys started working harder. A body ramming into him and holding him as a human shield made him sigh. Madara and Hashirama came from the bushes.

"Aw, he's hiding behind my brother. Dammit Madara, if only you were more accurate with your kunai." Madara glared at Hashirama.

"It's not my fault! You tripped me!" Tobirama rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. This mission was going to be exhausting.


	22. SubPlot: Obito is Not a Happy Camper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obito really isn't a happy camper.

Uchiha Obito, known by a select few as Uchiha Madara, and everyone else as Tobi, was not a happy camper. He was currently chilling in the Mizukage's office, reading through a stack of papers. His puppet, the Three Tails' Jinchuriki, Yagura, was off to the side, blankly staring at a wall. The one who taught Obito while he was dead, the real Uchiha Madara, had been revived before Obito could even attempt to ask that damn "Pein" to revive the older Uchiha for him. That was the plan they corralated. Use the **Rinne Tensei** to revive Madara, so they could implement the Moon's Eye Plan.

A plan that, when Obito thought more on it, kind of seemed like something only someone on some really trippy drugs would think of. He scoffed. Madara had been barely kept alive by his stupid machine, and he was over a hundred years old. Damn bastard had probably been senile for a while. He chuckled at the thought of Uchiha Madara being senile. A knock came to the door.

"Mizukage-sama? We got the records you ordered." A woman's voice floated through the door. Obito nodded to his puppet, and melded into the shadows. The woman came into the room, placed the rather large folder onto the desk, and stalked out. He had called for any and all records on Uzumaki Naruto, just to make sure that the brat had used **Edo Tensei** to revive three of the most powerful shinobi in the world, and Konoha was not just bluffing. He flipped open the folder, and, right on the first page, was a Bingo Book entry for Naruto. The first few sentences in said Bingo Book entry was,

_**Current master and summoner of Uchiha Madara, Senju Hashirama, and Senju Tobirama. Jinchuriki. Flee on sight. High A-rank, possible S-rank.** _

Obito chuckled. The kid wasn't even thirteen and he already had a possible S-rank out on his head. And a flee on sight. He closed the folder up, and activated the **Kamui** technique. He had some rather interesting news to tell Pein...


	23. Hashirama's Headaches Kill People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People should really leave Hashirama alone when he's got a headache.

Hashirama stumbled out of one of Tazuna's guest bedrooms later that day, only to sense that no one else was there. Well, he could sense that Naruto was still passed out in the living room, but he couldn't sense Madara or Kakashi or his brother or either of the two other Genin. He frowned, and started on his way into the kitchen. The front door being smashed in made him turn. Two thugs with swords stood in the doorway. Hashirama rubbed his temples. The two thugs started ranting about kidnapping Tazuna's daughter, causing Hashirama to have a headache.

"Please, you two stupid thugs, shut the hell up." Hashirama growled. "I have a headache." The thugs, without even turning to see who he was, said,

"How about no, now go die you son of a-" They turned, and froze mid speech. Hashirama had to admit that he must look pretty intimidating. Hair not brushed, eyes set in a venomous glare, and killing intent leaking all over the place. "Y-Y-Y-You! The First Hokage, S-Senju Hashirama!?" Hashirama rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm Uchiha Madara. Who the hell do you think I am?" Naruto chose that moment to sleepily walk into the living room.

"Hashirama-jii-san, why're you making so much noise so early in the morning?" Hashirama looked to the clock.

"Naruto-kun, it's three in the afternoon." Naruto made a confused face, not even noticing the two shaking thugs in the destroyed doorway. One of them whimpered, bringing Hashirama's attention back to them. He sighed. "Oh yes, I forgot about you." Naruto looked to the thugs, then to Hashirama, before walking into the kitchen. He honestly looked as though he couldn't care. One of the thugs raised his hands in surrender.

"P-Please, spare us!" Hashirama glared.

"Why?"

"We didn't know you would be here!" The former Hokage raised a brow.

"I'm pretty sure that creepy Zabuza or whatever his name was had battled us himself. How is he, anyways?" The thugs looked to each other.

"G-Good?" Hashirama smiled slightly.

"Ah, that's nice. Now..." His smile turned feral. "You son of a bitches made my headache worse. Let me tell you now, I do not like headaches all that much." The thugs started crying as he stalked towards them.

"P-Please, we didn't mean to!" Hashirama just continued.

"Goodbye gentlemen."

* * *

Hashirama smiled contently as he walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later. Naruto looked up from the cup of instant ramen he was eating.

"Hey Hashirama-jii-san. Where are those two men?" Hashirama just patted the blond on the head, and snatched one of the many other full instant ramen cups on the table.

"They went home. They were just travelling salesmen." Naruto nodded. Hashirama looked towards Tazuna's daughter. "You, maiden, where are the others?"

"They went to the bridge, to battle the..." She grabbed a piece of paper from behind her. "...the creepy cow-print parachute pants ninja man guy dude." Hashirama nodded.

"Well, Naruto-kun, hurry up with your meal. They should be almost done by the time we get there."


	24. The Not-so-Final Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You see Hashirama! Madara can be merciful!

Madara frowned as he leaned on the half-completed railing of the bridge. He, Tobirama, and Kakashi had made some Shadow Clones to help with construction. And by him, Tobirama, and Kakashi, he just meant Tobirama and Kakashi. He was an Uchiha. They didn't really do the whole 'work' thing. That as something he had drilled into Sasuke's head, the other Uchiha soaking up the info. Madara looked around. Was it just him, or was the mist surrounding them getting thicker?

"Head's up, he's here!" He heard Kakashi shout, and he smirked. That fail of a ninja had actually returned!

"Come out, come out, wherever you are~" Madara purred, activating his Sharingan. Zabuza complied, and lowered the thickened mist. He held up his hands in surrender.

"Don't kill us!" Zabuza pleaded, and his companion looked at him confused.

"Zabuza-sama, what are you doing?"

"Haku, don't argue and look over there." The cow-print pants ninja pointed at Madara.

"Uchiha Madara?!" Madara rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm Senju Hashirama. Of course I'm bloody fucking Uchiha Madara!" As Haku was about to respond, a chuckle came from inside the mist.

"Well, well, well. Momochi Zabuza, reduced to begging for his life. Not much of a demon, I say." A very, very short man said, as he stood, surrounded by hundreds of bandits. Zabuza looked at Madara.

"I'll let you kill every single one of those people if you let me and Haku go. Alive." Madara weighed his options. On one hand, he could just kill them all, Zabuza and his fruity companion included, and on the other, he could just kill a bunch of bandits and release some tension. He contemplated for a while longer, before smirking. The chase for the ex-Mist nin would be so much more fun.

"Alright... but if we cross paths again I will do my best to take you and your fruity companion out." Zabuza nodded roughly, grabbed Haku, and got the hell out of the area, just as Madara's Sharingan shifted into his Eternal. He smirked, and his **Susano'o** started to form. "Now... let's dance!"

* * *

What happened next could only be decribed as a blood bath. Madara went wild and pretty much destroyed everything in sight. Tobirama only sighed and ushered the two Genin, all the civilians, Tazuna, and Kakashi away from the bridge. About half an hour later, his brother jumped down in front of them, Naruto under one of his arms. Hashirama dropped Naruto to the ground, and looked around.

"Where's Madara?" Tobirama pointed to the bridge.

"Over there." Hashirama grinned, flashed his brother a thumbs-up, and dashed off. Tobirama sighed again, and sat back against a tree. The battle shouldn't last much longer...

* * *

He was right. About five minutes later, both Hashirama and Madara dropped down into the clearing. The only thing that showed that they were just part of a battle was that Madara had a spot of blood on his forehead, and Hashirama had a small cut on his chin. Tobirama stared at them for a few seconds, before saying,

"You did clean up, right?" The two shrugged.

"Kind of."


	25. Just in Time for the Chunin Exams!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi desperately hopes that his team passes.

Kakashi felt like sobbing happily as they walked into Konoha a week later. He immediately set course to report to the Hokage, while his team, Tobirama, and the two demon-spawns went off to Ichiraku's Ramen shop.

* * *

Kakashi entered Hiruzen's office a few minutes later. Hiruzen stared at him in slight surprise.

"Oh, you're still alive." Kakashi glared.

"Yes, I am. Madara is still trying to kill me though." Hiruzen nodded.

"Well, report." Kakashi started describing exactly what happened on the mission. Every now and then, Hiruzen twitched and muttered under his breath.

"...and then Madara and Hashirama left a huge bloody mess on the bridge. They then forced my Genin and Tobirama to clean it up. And then we came home. The end." Hiruzen rubbed his forehead and sighed.

"So your simple C-Rank escort mission turned into a high A-Rank."

"Yep." Hiruzen groaned. He grabbed a bright red stamp off his desk, and stamped a big A on the mission scroll. He then dug through the papers on his desk and pulled out six permission slips.

"Give the white ones to your Genin and the green ones to Madara, Hashirama, and Tobirama." Kakashi nodded and accepted the outstretched papers.

"And these are for...?" Hiruzen smirked.

"You guys made it back in time for the Chunin Exams." Kakashi froze. The Chunin Exams. If Naruto were to pass this time around, he wouldn't have to see those damn demon-spawns and Tobirama as much! Kakashi slowly grinned under his mask.

"Thank you so much Hokage-sama!" He said, before he disappeared out the window. Hiruzen rolled his eyes and pulled and orange book out of one of the drawers. He giggled and started reading.

* * *

Kakashi found his team and the three Geezers at a little red bridge. He jumped down from the roof he was on and waved happily.

"Kaka-sensei! You're early! It's the end of the world!" Naruto shouted, pointing at him. Kakashi chuckled.

"That's because I have something important for you guys." He handed out the permission slips.

"What are these 'Chunin Exams' exactly?" Madara asked glaring at the green paper in his hands.

"The Chunin Exams are a special test, where Genin compete and try to kill each other to go up in rank. Going up in rank-" He started, seeing the still confused looks. "-means gaining more responsibility and you're not restricted to a team snd you get to go on harder missions." They all nodded. Kakashi placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. Said blond blinked up at him.

"Kaka-sensei?"

"Naruto, it is very important that you do your best to pass this exam. Remember to look underneath the underneath. Do not choke yourself up." Naruto nodded and grinned.

"Don't worry sensei! I'll pass this exam with flying colours dattebayo! Believe it!" Kakashi shivered. Why did that 'dattebayo' sound so familiar?

"Good Naruto. Now bye bye! Oh, one piece of advice!" Kakashi eye smiled. "Don't die!" With that, he poofed away. Tobirama raised a brow.

"How about we sign this. Then we'll teach you to water walk."


	26. Naruto's Entourage and Morino Ibiki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course, Naruto doesn't know what an Entourage is. At least the Rookies are together again.

Naruto stared up at the doors to the Academy. Was it just him, or were they somehow larger than what he remembers? He shrugged and turned to his entourage. His entourage consisting of his team, Madara, Hashirama, and Tobirama.

"So... wanna go in?" He asked, and he got a few nods in return. He grinned and they all started in.

* * *

After bypassing a rather stupidly placed genjutsu, they all stood in front of the proper exam room. Kakashi appeared in front of them with a happy smile.

"Good to see you all here. Now, Naruto, remember to try your damnedest to pass. Or else I'll have to kill you." He smiled wider, and disappeared. Naruto shivered, nodded his head vigourously, and threw open the doors. He grinned into the room.

"Yosh! Let's do this guys!" Tobirama looked around the room at all the Genin inside. He smirked.

"It's good to see my exam idea has come to fruition." Naruto blinked.

"What does fruition mean?" Naruto asked loudly, ignoring all the stares he got. Madara sighed, and slapped the blond on the back of his head.

"It doesn't mean anything important. Now, let's find a spot to sit." Everyone nodded, and made their way over to an empty desk.

* * *

It was not even ten minutes later that Sasuke was tackled to the ground by a purple wearing blonde.

"Sasuke-kun! I missed you!" The blonde squealed, hugging the now glaring Sasuke tighter.

"Hey! Ino-pig! Let go of my Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shouted, pointing dramatically at Ino, who just stuck her tongue out.

"No!" The two girls glared each other down. Madara muttered under his breath about fangirls. The rest of Ino's team strode up.

"You guys made it too, huh? What a drag." Shikamaru said, nodding to Team 7. He then noticed the rest of Naruto's entourage.

"Hey Shikamaru, Chouji!" Naruto waved and grinned.

"Naruto... why is Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama and Tobirama standing behind you?" Naruto grinned.

"They're a part of my entourage."

"Naruto-kun, do you even know what an entourage is?" Hashirama asked, raising a brow. Naruto blinked.

"Nope! Not at all!" He laughed while Madara rolled his eyes and mutter,

"Can't believe he's that stupid."

* * *

After being introduced to another team, nerdy looking Genin approached them.

"Hello guys, my name is-" Madara cut him off.

"Yeah, no one cares nerd-boy. Go away." He waved dismissively. Hashirama glared.

"Madara be nice!" Madara scoffed.

"I couldn't be nice to save my life. It's against my morals."

"What morals?" Madara smirked.

"Exactly." Hashirama rolled his eyes. A giant plume of smoke came from the front of the room. It cleared to show the exam proctor and a lot of Chunin.

"Sit he hell down! Who said you could chat and make friends! I sure as hell didn't!" The proctor shouted, and everyone, aside from Team 7 and the three old timers, sat down. The proctor glared at them. "I am Morino Ibiki, the proctor of the first exam! You six!" He gestured to them. "Are going to sit right at the front of the room. You three-" He looked at Madara, Hashirama, and Tobirama. "-are going to stand by the doors. Can't have you helping the poor Genin." The three looked at each other, and moved towards the door. Ibiki nodded and turned to address the room. "Now, I will explain the first exam!"


	27. Little Orange Pr0n Books and Anko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama and Madara are up to shenanigans.

"100 Ryo."

"200."

"150." Madara smirked and nodded.

"Alright. HEY NARUTO!" He shouted, and said blond looked up.

"What!"

"The answer to question eight is seven!" Naruto blinked and looked down at the mentioned questioned.

"But-"

"It's really the answer Naruto-kun! Just write it down!" Naruto nodded slowly, and put the number down.

"How is the number seven the answer to a cryptogram?" He muttered to himself, as he flipped his paper over. Ibiki, from his spot at the front of the room, glared at Madara. That glare worsened as he saw Hashirama fork over some ryo. He vaguely noted Tobirama had put his face in his hands and was shaking his head.

* * *

"500." Ibiki heard Madara mutter, about a half hour before the exam finished. Hashirama shook his head.

"450."

"475 and I'll even show it to him." Madara said with a smirk, as Hashirama nodded and forked over some more money. Ibiki raised a brow slightly. What were they talking and betting about this time? Madara took a few moments to count out the money, before he turned to the group of Genin. The Uchiha's eyes immediately zoned in on the only other Uchiha in the room. "Oi, Sasuke!" Sasuke groaned, and glared at the older Uchiha.

"What the hell do you want!" Madara tsked.

"Language, Sasuke-kun. I just wanted to tell you something. It's very important, and every Uchiha needs to know about it." Sasuke raised a brow.

"Oh really now?" Madara smirked.

"Yes." He purred, before he flung something small and orange at the boy. It landed with a small thud on the desk. It turned out to be a book. "Turn to page 147 and look at the picture." Sasuke gave him a suspicious glare, but started to flip through the book. As soon as his eyes landed on the picture, Sasuke shrieked and threw the book at Madara.

"WAS THAT MY MOTHER?!" Madara chuckled.

"No, but a damn close representation, huh?" Sasuke banged his hands on the table.

"WHO THE HELL WROTE THAT BOOK! I'LL KILL THE BASTARD!" Ibiki, who had wandered closer to the three revived shinobi, bent down and picked up the book.

"UCHIHA! CALM DOWN OR YOU'RE EXPELLED!" He shouted, before he examined the book. "Icha Icha Paradise Two? Where did you two get this?" He asked, glaring at Madara and Hashirama. They smirked at each other.

"Hatake-san." Ibiki restrained himself from rolling his eyes.

"Well, if there are no more interruptions, I'm pleased to announce that you all made it to the final question. Now, this question could mean your life. You can quit now and save yourself any trouble." Ibiki smirked at all the Genin who started to quit.

* * *

"SHUT UP YOU BIG MEANIE!" He heard someone shout at him after about ten minutes, and he turned to see that Naruto kid standing and glaring at him. It was also then that he realized that both Madara and Hashirama had somehow made their way over to the blond, and were whispering things into his ears. "You can't scare me away! I won't ever back down from you! You don't scare me!" The blond took a deep breath. "I don't care if I'm a Genin for the rest of my life, I'll still be Hokage some day!" He shouted, ending with a dramatic point at Ibiki. Hashirama pulled Naruto into a bone-crushing hug, cooing over the blond's fury and current embarrassment. Ibiki opened his mouth to respond, when a black ball of fabric burst through the window. That ball of fabric unrolled itself, and was pinned to the wall with kunai. Ibiki sighed, and stepped back, as a purple haired woman jumped into the room.

"The super sexy but still unfortunately single Mitarashi Anko! I'll be your proctor for the second exam!" Anko shouted and grinned.

"Hey, you won't be single for long baby!" Hashirama cat-called, while Madara whistled appreciatively and Tobirama just checked her out. Ibiki sighed again, walked towards her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You're early Anko." Anko froze, and flushed in embarrassment.

"Dammit, this is the sixth time this week!"


	28. The Forest of Death's Kind of Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's only cool until company arrives.

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and the three revived ninja stared up at the Forest of Death. The Genin stared in awe and slight fear, while the older nin stared in appreciation.

"Damn Hashirama, I didn't think you could create something so sinister." Madara whispered, gesturing vaguely to the forest. Hashirama shrugged.

"I made this a little bit after our battle. It took the brunt of my negative emotions."

"Brother, Madara, Anko-san is trying to tell the Genin something important about this exam stage." Tobirama said. Hashirama rolled his eyes and stopped talking. Madara huffed, and continued to eye the forest.

* * *

After ten minutes of Anko explaining the test, one cut to Naruto's cheek, and several signed forms later, Team 7 and the Revived Nin stood in front of their assigned gate. One of the many forms the three revived ninja signed detailed that they were not to help _**any Genin**_ unless they were going to die or were already dieing. They could not attack any other teams, not even on Naruto's call, and they were not allowed to use any Jutsu. Not that they needed to, though.

"START!" They heard Anko shout, and they all ran into the forest. Of course, they stopped after a few seconds. Sasuke turned to the group.

"Alright, are we ready to do this?" Naruto crossed his legs slightly.

"Uh, let me go to the bathroom first!" He ran off behind a tree. A few minutes later, he came back out. "Damn, I could have written my name!" He grinned, but it faded when Sasuke launched a kunai at him. "What was that for!"

"Your transformation is worse than Naruto's." Sakura stated with a scoff. Sasuke nodded.

"Where's the cut on your cheek? And Naruto's right handed, yet your kunai holster is on your left leg." After he said this, he started beating up the transformed ninja, until the transformation broke and the nin ran off. Tobirama slipped behind the tree Naruto ran to and untied the poor blond. Once he was safely back with the group, Sasuke cleared his throat. "We need a password."

"Yeah, no offense Sasuke-kun, but a password is a bad, bad, bad idea." Hashirama said, waving his finger in a 'no-no' gesture.

"But how are we supposed to recognize each other if we get separated?"

"You have the Sharingan, Sasuke-kun." Madara said, making Sasuke slam a hand into his forehead.

"I forgot about that. But wait, how am I supposed to use my Sharingan to recognize my teammates?" Madara glanced around, his eyes settling on an inconspicuous bamboo grove growing behind them, before he leaned into to whisper to Sasuke,

"You can use it to see the pattern their chakra takes in the body. Naruto's for example, has a red tinge to it..." Sasuke nodded and activated his Sharingan. He waved his teammates over.

"Okay, listen closely..." He whispered. "I can recognize your chakra pattern. Naruto, I'll go by that red tinge in yours. Sakura, your chakra has a greenish tinge to it." Naruto frowned.

"How're we supposed to know it's really you?"

"The Sharingan, Naruto."

"The what now?" Sasuke opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the Second Hokage.

"Not now Sasuke-kun. We have company." He stated, as a powerful gust of wind knocked the three Genin away. The three remaining nin looked at each other before jumping off to find a Genin each.


	29. Madara Can't Use Kunai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously Madara, learn how to give better codenames.

Hashirama, who had gone after Naruto, smiled. Finally a strong opponent to evaluate his skills against. Of course, he had to help Naruto first. It just wouldn't do to see him get killed this early on.

"Naruto-kun! Naruto, where are you?" Hashirama called, jumping to a new branch. He frowned and looked around. Odd, he could have sworn Naruto landed somewhere over here...

" **SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!** " He heard the blond cry, before he was showered in disgusting smelling flakes of flesh.

"Ew." He muttered, dodging most of the raining flesh. Some got on his arms, but he could live with that. It was as he shook his arm to get a piece of eyeball off that he felt something wet smack onto his head. He froze and reached up, pulling a scaly fragment of snake hide off of his head. "MY HAIR!" He screeched, running his hand through his hair to get all the blood off.

"Hashirama-jii!" He heard, before he was tackled by a blond blur. "You came for me! I knew you would!"

"Naruto-kun! You... you..." He took a couple of calming... okay, not so calming breaths. "MY HAIR! LOOK AT MY HAIR!"

"What about it?" Naruto said, frowning.

"It's covered in BLOOD! It'll never feel the same again!" Naruto blinked and detached himself from Hashirama.

"Um, it'll be okay?" Naruto tried. "We should go back to the others, 'ttebayo." Hashirama nodded.

"Yes." The others should help get his mind off the fact that his hair was now ruined.

* * *

Tobirama caught Sakura before she crashed into the ground. He placed her on her feet on the ground before looking around for threats. Seeing none, he returned his attention to the Genin before him.

"Are you alright?"

"Y-Yes!" Tobirama nodded.

"Good. Follow me. We need to get back to the others." He stated, before turning around and walking off.

* * *

Madara sat next to Sasuke as they waited for the others. It was boring, but necessary. He sighed and glared pointedly at the large tree a few metres in front of them. He could sense the strong ninja hiding in the tree, and he knew by the chakra he/she (it was rather hard to tell with the cleverly disguised chakra) was responsible for the wind blasts that separated the Genin.

"Sasuke-kun, I'm going to be up in the trees on lookout." Madara said, standing. The other Uchiha nodded.

"Don't go to far, just in case."

"Of course." Madara hopped up into the tree before them. He smirked as he sensed the slight tense that the hiding ninja acquired. "I know you're here." He said, but got no response. "Fine. Ignore me. But be warned. The last person who ignored me wound up with a kunai in his skull." Still no response. Madara shrugged slightly. "Alright, have it your way." He got out a kunai, and stabbed it deep into the tree's trunk. "Oh? Looks like you're a tricky one." Madara's Sharingan flared to life. "A clone. How absurd. Come out, come out, wherever you are. Come dance with me." He looked around. "Hidden _hebi_ , have you lost your way? Finding yourself, a high-leveled shinobi in an exam filled with children. Pathetic." He quickly flung a kunai to his left, and was satisfied to hear the grunt of pain.

"What the hell Madara..." Madara tched, and glared at Tobirama, who was removing the thrown kunai from his gut.

"Dammit Tobirama. You always get in the way of my kills." Tobirama rolled his eyes.

"You shouldn't try killing people who are important then." Tobirama raised a brow. "What are you trying to kill anyway? The tree? Because if you are, we might need to get you help."

"No you idiot!" Madara hissed. "Can you not sense the hidden _hebi_ ,laying in wait?" Tobirama's brow raised higher as he expanded his senses. True to Madara's word, he could sense a well hidden opponent hiding close by.

"Hmm. Seems you were right." Madara huffed.

"I'm never wrong."

"I have proof that contradicts that." Madara glared.

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do. But, let us focus on this upcoming battle first." Madara nodded and got into an offensive stance. Tobirama extended his senses further to find the ninja. "Here he comes! From the South!" Madara flung a kunai in the direction, only to get a yelp and a scream for his efforts.

"MADARA! Why are you trying to kill me! AGAIN!"


	30. Orochimaru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he wanted was Sasuke's body. Was that to hard to ask?

It just wasn't fair.

At least, that's what Orochimaru thought, as he dodged a kunai that Uchiha Madara stabbed at him.

* * *

All he wanted was Sasuke's body. Was that to hard to ask?

* * *

"Can you not sense the hidden _hebi_ laying in wait?" He heard Madara ask someone, and he slowly surfaced from a tree a few metres away to see who.

"Hmm. Seems you were right." Orochimaru's eye brow twitched at the familiar voice, and barely made it back into the tree as a kunai came flying towards him. He waited for it to impact into the tree, only it never did. He peeked out of the tree, to see the kunai flying a little more up. He got ready to dodge, when a blur came and the kunai delved into it.

"MADARA! Why are you trying to kill me! AGAIN!" Orochimaru glared in confusion. Sure, Kabuto had told him that the Uzumaki brat had used the forbidden Edo Tensei to summon up three powerful shinobi, but he had tuned him out in favour of thinking of the Sharingan. Perhaps he should have listened to what his faithful servant was trying to say. To have a Jinchuriki as the master of Hashirama, Madara, and Tobirama... the power that Konoha now owns...

"Why do you all interrupt my kunai!" Madara angrily shouted, stomping his foot like a teenage girl. "Seriously! It's always my kunai!"

"Maybe you just suck at throwing kunai?" Tobirama offered, further infuriating the Uchiha. Orochimaru raised a brow. Was this how they acted with each other before they died? Or had some of the Jinchuriki's personality rubbed off on them? He recalled that in the end of Kabuto's tirade about the Edo Tensei that the summoned dead lived with the Uzumaki.

"Guys, guys, stop!" Hashirama said, raising his arms. Orochimaru sighed softly. At least one of them acted like the tales said they did... "Save all your homicidal tendencies for Kakashi!" Orochimaru's brow twitched once again.

"Ah yes. Perhaps we shall." Madara smirked, absently twirling a kunai in his hands. Tobirama rolled his eyes.

"You can't kill Kakashi. He is still, technically, in charge of our Genin."

"Oh shut up you fun sucker." Hashirama muttered, crossing his arms. "But anyway, why did you throw that kunai at me for?" Orochimaru cloaked his chakra better as Madara's eyes swept over the trees.

"There is a hidden _hebi_ around here." Orochimaru blinked. That was the second, no, third time Madara had referred to him as hebi. A snake. But how did he know that?

"A snake? Well of course there are snakes, idiot. We're in a forest in a warm climate."

"NO! Hashirama, sense him!"

"Fine." A few minutes ticked by. Orochimaru was about ready to peek out of the tree once again when Madara started talking again.

"Now do you see what I mean?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Hashirama grumbled. "He's behind me, ten metres. I'm pretty sure he's been listening to our entire conversation." Orochimaru decided that right then and there was a good time to slink away. He may want the Sharingan badly, but he was not suicidal enough to face up against two former Hokage and the strongest Uchiha known to exist. He slithered through the ground away from the team. He would just have to wait until the exams are over to approach Sasuke...

* * *

"Ah, he's running for it! Seems like he was just a coward." Madara said, a slightly saddened look on his face. "And I so wanted to dance."

"What did he even want, anyway?" Hashirama asked.

"I believe he was just spying for now, looking for information on our team." Tobirama explained, catching the other two's attention. "He may have heard of our revival and wanted to see if it was true."

"Or he may have heard that a Jinchuriki was the one who revived us, and wished to test Naruto's strength." Madara muttered, glaring at the ground in thought.

"...perhaps he was after Sasuke-kun." Hashirama said, and his brother and rival's eyes immediately bore into him in question. "Think about it. A powerful shinobi just sitting in a tree, watching Madara and Sasuke? If he wanted to see if our revival was true, he would have watched the Uchiha for a few minutes before attempting to find Tobirama and myself. If he wanted to test Naruto-kun, all he had to do was seek the two of us out. Instead, he watched Madara and Sasuke for an undetermined amount of time. But why would he do so?"

"The Uchiha Clan Massacre." Madara softly said. "He's after the Sharingan." Hashirama nodded.

"He must have tried to get Sasuke's elder brother's Sharingan, before deciding that the youngest surviving Uchiha was an easier target. He didn't factor in our presence, and, at our timely arrival, flew the coop."

"If this is true, then Sasuke is not out of the woods yet. This shinobi will not stop until he has Sasuke." Tobirama said, shaking his head. "Hiruzen needs to know about this." Hashirama and Madara nodded in agreement.

"Yes, he does."

"But for now, how about we leave it." Hashirama grinned. "No need to alarm the poor Genin we're watching over!"


	31. SubPlot: The Akatsuki Know, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obito, really, you should stop faking Bingo Book pages. Perhaps Pein and Konan would believe you then.

Uchiha Obito had taken his time on his way back to Rain. He spent most of the two months it took him (to _**walk**_ all the way there) just thinking about all that was going wrong with his plans. They hadn't started collecting Jinchuriki yet, but it might be a good idea to start. Maybe. Unless they've all somehow heard of Uzumaki Naruto and were all at the Chunin Exams. But that was stupid. What Jinchuriki would risk their health and lives just to see another Jinchuriki compete in a life or death situation?

* * *

Spread out across the Elemental Countries, five people sneezed on their way to the Konoha Chunin Exams' Third Exam.

* * *

Obito shook his head. That was a stupid question, if he says so himself. Of course the Jinchuriki would go see Naruto compete. He had heard that people like them liked to watch out for each other. He nodded at his thoughts, and walked up the metal wall before him, heading for a weird balcony-thing Pein had created.

"Tobi, what is it?" He heard a feminine voice state, as a blue-haired woman stepped from the shadows.

"Nothing, Konan. I just have some very interesting news about the Kyuubi's Jinchuriki." An orange-haired man walked up to them.

"Is that so?" He asked, eyebrow raised to get Obito to continue.

"Oh, indeed. Have you read the latest Bingo Book?"

"No, I have no need to. We haven't recruited in a while."

"Well, there is a rather interesting page labeled under Uzumaki in it. I suggest you take a look." Obito dug through his cloak, and brought his rather tattered Bingo Book out. He had bent page corners and even ripped out pages just for fun.

"I shall see for myself." Pein grabbed the book and flipped through it, stopping near the end of the book. "...impossible." He said, snapping the book closed.

"Ah, but it is true!" Obito said, a dramatic lilt to his voice. "Uzumaki Naruto, Jinchuriki extraordinaire, is master and summoner of three powerful and deadly shinobi!"

"How do I know you had not fabricated this page?" Obito rolled his eyes.

"Do you seriously think I would stoop so low?" He said, only to get both Pein and Konan immediately responding,

"Yes." He frowned. Now that he thinks about it, he actually would stoop pretty low. He already has fabricated plenty (and by plenty, he means around five hundred or so) of Bingo Book pages, fifty of which were just for fun.

"I can assure you, I did not fabricate that page." Besides, no one really knew who the Kyuubi Jinchuriki was until about a year ago. And even then, they only knew that his first name was Naruto (which was, unfortunately, a very common name in the villages near the ocean). When Naruto summoned the first two Hokage and his old mentor, then everyone knew who the Kyuubi container was and what he was capable of. And this only happened a few months ago. Definitely not enough time for Obito to come up with an appropriately fabricated Bingo Book page.

"Hmm. I do believe we need to call a meeting." Pein said, walking to his desk in the corner. "I shall call for my minions to appear. The meeting will occur in a few minutes."


	32. The Tower, Kabuto, and Kakashi's Return!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For real Naruto. A man hiding in the Forest of Death really does want Sasuke to have his babies.

_'This exam was strange.'_ Naruto thought, as he and his entourage entered into the tower in the middle of the forest. As Sasuke opened the scrolls, Naruto thought back to what had happened a few hours ago.

* * *

"WHAT?!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke's eyes widened slightly, and Sakura looked close to fainting.

"It's true, Naruto-kun." Hashirama said. "There's a man hiding in this forest, and he wants Sasuke to have his babies."

"B-But!"

"Hush, Naruto! It's the damn truth!" Madara hissed. _'Well, it's not really the truth, but they don't need to know that.'_

"B-But Sasuke's a guy! He can't have babies!" Naruto screamed, causing everyone (aside from Sasuke, but he was still processing the fact that some _**man** **wanted**_ him) to cover their ears.

"We get it Naruto, you don't need to shout!" Naruto squeaked and blushed.

"Sorry."

"It's alright Naruto-kun." Tobirama said, placing a hand on the blond's shoulder. "Don't worry about that man. He won't get within a kilometre of Sasuke. We'll make sure one of us is with him at all times."

"...preferably me." Madara grumbled. He may not know the other Uchiha very well, but from he was told, Sasuke was the only Uchiha within sixty kilometres of Konoha. He was practically the only Uchiha left. And Madara wouldn't have that. The Uchiha needed to be brought back, and only Sasuke can do it currently.

"Well," Naruto started, looking down. "I guess it's good now..."

"Don't think anymore of it, okay? We'll handle this."

* * *

"Who are you, huh?" Naruto said, glaring at the grey-haired shinobi a few metres from him. The shinobi lifted his hands in surrender.

"I'm Kabuto, Yakushi Kabuto. I got separated from my team."

"Right, likely story." Madara scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Now Madara, what if he's telling the truth?" Hashirama said. "I mean, look at him. He looks so... pathetic." He was right. Kabuto had several cuts and bruises, was covered in dirt, and his clothes seemed torn.

"Ah, I've gotten into a few fights. Luckily I always managed to escape." He smiled softly.

"You suck at lying." Madara said, a glare easing onto his face. Kabuto shook his head.

"I'm not lying, I swear!" Madara made to respond, but was cut off by a glare from Tobirama.

"Ignore him." Tobirama started, returning his attention to Kabuto. "He's just wound up from before."

"Oh, I see. What happened?" Kabuto prodded.

"Nothing too important. Just a fight with another team."

"Yeah, we're not allowed to fight, so our precious little genin got all ruffled and hurt!" Hashirama sighed dramatically, earning a soft giggle from Naruto.

"I... uh... see. Um, can I stick by you guys until we reach the tower? I have an extra Earth Scroll if you need one." The three younger genin looked at each other. They did need that Earth Scroll... they shrugged.

"Sure Kabuto!"

* * *

They had parted ways at the tower. Kabuto's teammates had been waiting for him since he had gotten lost. They waved and walked off down the hall. Team 7 and their extras made their way into the room before them. Sasuke flung open their scrolls.

"It's a summoning scroll!" He called, backing up. A large poof of smoke came, and slowly dispersed. A series of coughs came from the smoke, along with a familiar voice.

"Yeesh, I was enjoying my book... oh. Oh no, nuh-uh, not you guys!" Naruto's eyes lit up.

"Kakashi-sensei!"


	33. Kakashi Refuses to Repeat Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite not believing in it, Kakashi just knew Fate was torturing him.

Kakashi couldn't believe it.

He had asked, no, begged the Hokage, to stay at home for the duration of the Chunin Exams.

But, of course, the Hokage said **NO.** Kakashi was to receive the first team to open their scrolls in the tower. Kakashi hoped against fate that the first team would be that Sand team.

He was wrong.

"Kaka-sensei!" He felt like sobbing at hearing Naruto's shout. "Kakashi-sensei, you're here?! But why?"

"Naruto-kun, he must be here to explain that plaque behind him." Hashirama said, pointing to said plaque. Kakashi felt himself nod. _'Damn Hashirama can explain it better than I can! He's the one who said it!'_

"Y... yes. That is why I am here, Naruto." Kakashi took a breath. "This plaque, uh, symbolizes that you need to both work your mind and your body. There are rooms in the back of the tower for you to stay in for the next five days. If you need anything, ask one of the patrolling ANBU." He said quickly. "Any questions?" Naruto slowly raised his hand. "...yes, Naruto?"

"Can you repeat that please?"

* * *

"I can't believe Kaka-sensei left us without explaining it over again! I even asked him nicely, didn't I?" Naruto asked, looking over his entourage. Kakashi up and left without another word after a good five minutes of staring at Naruto as if asking him 'are you stupid or what?'

"Naruto, this plaque says that you need both mind and body to be the best shinobi. Essentially, you need to work out your mind alongside your body to perform to the best of your ability." Tobirama said, and Naruto nodded.

"I see! I get it! I need to be smart as well as strong!"

"Thanks for dumbing it down for us Naruto-kun." Madara sarcastically muttered, before he turned to the only hallway out of the room. "Now, let's head to these rooms and get some rest. You'll need it."


	34. It Was All Tobirama's Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An angry Madara is hard to deal with. So just pass the blame onto someone else!

Naruto, despite caring for his teammates and friends, barely paid any attention to the battles. He thought about the Third's speech, and about how hungry he was. His stomach rumbled angrily and he pouted, planting a hand there. Madara, who was standing beside him, gave him an 'are you kidding me' kind of look.

"Madara-oji, Madara-oji, ne, Madara-oji!" Naruto whined, until Madara glared at him.

"What."

"I'm hungry."

"Good for you. Now shut up." Naruto pouted again.

"Madara-oji, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, Madara-oji!" Madara's eyebrow twitched. "Can you please, pretty, pretty, pretty please, get me something to eat?" Naruto forced his eyes to tear up, though he doubted Madara would care. "Pwease?" Madara gave him a disgusted look and backed away.

"Alright, just, dear god stop that look. I'm going, see?" He disappeared, just as the proctor, Hayate, announced the next match.

"Uzumaki Naruto versus Inuzuka Kiba!"

* * *

Madara forced several Ryo into a single vending machine out in the hallway. He punched in the number for the instant ramen package, and smirked. Oh, Naruto would flip for this. Too bad he can't eat it without boiling water. A series of evil chuckles echoed through the empty hall as Madara grabbed the ramen cup. He shoved it and his returned change into his back pouch. He glanced around, before heading back into the arena room. What he saw made him glare furiously.

"You son of a bitches! Why the hell did you start without me!"

* * *

Naruto jumped down into the arena, quickly followed by Hashirama and Tobirama. Hayate frowned at the two Kage, but allowed it. After all, there were, technically, no stated rules for these tournament style matches. Kiba was quickly moving his head back and forth between the two Kage and Naruto.

"Ready?" Hayate asked with a cough.

"No-" Kiba started, but was cut off by Naruto.

"HELL YEAH!"

"Begin!" Kiba gulped and backed away.

"Hey, wait, I don't wan-" He was, once again, cut off. This time by Naruto rushing forwards, Hashirama at his heels. Tobirama stayed back, leaning against the wall. Naruto threw a punch at Kiba, who deflected it.

"GO NARUTO!" Hashirama cheered. Naruto grinned wide and swept at Kiba's legs with a kick. Kiba retaliated by sending Akamaru at Naruto, and rushing the blond while he was distracted. Just as he was about to hit Naruto, he was interrupted by an angry Madara growling out,

"You son of a bitches! Why the hell did you start without me!" The Uchiha stalked down into the arena and Kiba once again backed away from a now pouting Naruto.

"Madara-oji! Didja get me something to eat?" Madara glared at him.

"No. Why didn't you wait for me?" Hashirama raised his hands innocently.

"Now, Madara, see... uh..." He trailed off when Madara turned his glare onto him. "IT WAS ALL TOBIRAMA'S FAULT!"


	35. Oh, Neji, You Sly Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohonhonhon, Neji, you sly, sly, dog.

Madara raised a brow. Was Hashirama really chickening out and claiming Tobirama was at fault here? Hashirama shook his still raised hands in surrender.

"I swear! It was all Tobirama's fault!" Madara's brow raised further, as he turned to Tobirama. Tobirama shook his head with a sigh.

"Don't listen to him. He was the one who figuratively pushed Naruto into the arena." Madara smirked and looked back to Hashirama.

"A-hem." Someone cleared their throat. The three Kage and two Genin looked over to Hiruzen, who was glaring slightly at Madara. "Would you please continue the fight. We are on a schedule." Kiba leaped towards the proctor as Naruto and his revived shinobi turned to him.

"PROCTOR! I GIVE! I forfeit!" Hayate coughed a few times before nodding.

"Winner by forfeit, Uzumaki Naruto!"

* * *

Naruto angrily crossed his arms as he glared across the arena at Kiba, who was desperately trying not to look at the blond. He distantly heard Sakura's name being called, and absently sent a few cheers her way, all while still glaring at Kiba.

"Naruto-kun, stop glaring at the Inuzuka." Tobirama said, dropping a hand onto the blond's shoulder. Naruto huffed and tuned back into the match going on below, just in time to hear the proctor call out,

"We have a draw! As both contestants are unconscious, neither wins!" Naruto pouted down at the proctor, who ignored him in favour of calling out, "Next! Hyuuga Neji versus Hyuuga Hinata!"

* * *

Naruto's hands curled around the railing as he watched the two Hyuuga's go at it. His eyes were slowly narrowing into a murderous glare at Neji as the older Hyuuga started on and on about some fate crap and how Hinata should give up. Hinata looked on the verge of tears. Naruto shook with the force of his anger as he listened to Neji drone on and on.

"OH SHUT UP ALREADY!" Naruto shouted, effectively surprising the elder Hyuuga. "Geez don't you ever shut the hell up?! I mean, come on! Hinata's not weak! She's actually pretty cool!" He slammed a fist down onto the railings, and was about to continue when Tobirama once again dropped a hand onto his shoulder.

"Naruto-kun, that's enough." Naruto frowned, but nodded. He noticed that Hinata had stood up straighter, and was now rushing forwards. Only to get a palm strike to her...

"WHAT THE HELL NEJI!" Naruto screamed, pointing down at the Hyuuga, who stared up at him quizzically. Neji, having been distracted by Naruto's yells, looked to Hinata, and finally realized exactly what the blond was talking about. "Stop touching Hinata's boobs you freak!" Hinata blushed bright red before falling over in a dead faint. Neji himself felt his face heat up as he rubbed his hands on his shirt, as if it would clean them off. Madara snickered from his position behind Naruto, as did Hashirama, while Tobirama just introduced his hand to his face.

"Naruto-kun... you..." Tobirama started, but was unable to find the right words to describe the blond. So instead, he just settled for shaking his head in exasperation.


	36. A Serious Chapter For Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously serious that this is, seriously, a serious chapter.

Hiruzen sat rigid in his chair, facing the three powerful shinobi in front of him. The second the three of them walked in, they had called for an absolutely private meeting. Hiruzen called off his ANBU guards, and activated a security seal hidden on his desk. He waited patiently as Hashirama sent out a burst of chakra to scan for eavesdroppers.

"We're secure." Hashirama said, calling back his chakra. Madara nodded to Tobirama, who stepped towards Hiruzen.

"Hiruzen, we have grave news." Hiruzen's eyebrows raised high. "Five days ago, in the Forest of Death, we were almost separated from the Genin of Team 7 by an overpowered Wind Jutsu. I ran off and helped Sakura while Nii-san helped Naruto." Hiruzen's brow furrowed as he thought. Calling for absolute privacy just to tell him about an overpowered wind user and that Team 7 had been split for a few minutes?

"That is not the worst part." Madara cut in, his Sharingan slowly spinning to life. "I went after Sasuke, and after finding him, we waited for the others. After about two minutes, I felt a... powerful chakra signature. Sasuke could not feel it, but I could. A powerful shinobi had infiltrated the Exam, and was targeting a specific member of Team 7. Sasuke-kun." Hiruzen's eyes narrowed. The Konoha Chunin Exams had been infiltrated, and Konoha's only alive Uchiha targeted?

"Who was it. Who infiltrated my village and threatened my genin!" Hiruzen shouted, though he had a feeling he knew exactly who they were talking about. The three older shinobi glanced at each other, before Madara cleared his throat to continue.

"His chakra felt sinister, strange. Corrupted. There was a hint of Hashirama's chakra signature within it as well." Madara gave Hashirama a meaningful glare as Hashirama grumbled something obscene. "But that's not all. I could tell that he had a summoning contract. With the Snakes." Hiruzen's vision tinged red and he growled, voice thick with guilt and anger,

" ** _Orochimaru._** "


	37. Jiraiya the Gallant!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course, first meetings don't always play out as they should.

Naruto wandered through the village, hands behind his head. He had run off the second the Third Hokage had let them go after announcing who they'd be fighting in the Finals. His three entourage summons had been called to talk to the Third, leaving Naruto all alone. He pouted as he slowed to a stop. And his stupid Sensei hadn't shown up to train any of them. ' _In fact_ ,' Naruto thought, ' _I haven't seen Kakashi since he told us we passed the Second Exam...'_ Naruto frowned, and glanced around for his elusive Sensei. He spotted a shock of white hair out the corner of his eye. He grinned, and ran up to the white-haired person. His eyes narrowed into a glare however, when he saw that the man was peeking into the woman's bathhouse. Naruto growled and pointed at him.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU PERVERT!" The man jumped and whirled to look at Naruto.

"Who're you calling a pervert brat!" He shouted. Naruto pointed once again at him.

"I'm calling you a pervert you pervert!" The man's eyebrows twitched and he gave Naruto a glare.

"I'll have you know, I'm not a pervert!" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Then why were you peeking in the women's bath!"

"Because I am no ordinary pervert!" The man shouted jovially, before he did a funny jig and slammed his hand on the ground. A large toad appeared out of the smoke, and the man struck an odd pose atop it. "I am _the_ SUPER pervert! I'm one of the strongest shinobi around, one of the Sannin! I am Jiraiya the Gallant!" Naruto choked on a hysterical laugh.

"T-That! You, that frog, what?!" Naruto stuttered, before returning to the point. "YOU'RE STILL A PERVERT!" Jiraiya slammed a fist down on Naruto's head.

"I just told you I'm not _just_ a pervert! And it's a toad you brat!"

"OUCH! What the hell old man! You perverted hermit!" Naruto clutched his head, and dodged the next hit Jiraiya sent his way. He stepped back a bit to glare up at Jiraiya.

"Don't you dare call me that you brat!"

"Stop calling me a brat you perverted jackass!" Jiraiya's glare worsened.

"Say that to my face _brat!_ " Naruto scowled and stepped towards him.

"FINE! Stop calling me a brat," Naruto took a deep breath. "YOU PERVERTED JACKASS!" He screamed into Jiraiya's face, only to almost instantly regret it as Jiraiya's glare became murderous. Jiraiya reached towards Naruto, who sidestepped and dashed off down the road.

"GET BACK HERE BRAT!" Naruto gulped and ran faster.

"NO WAY OLD MAN!"

* * *

Naruto ran into a training ground, and was halfway across the river there when a large toad landed on his back, sending him face-first into the riverbank. The toad laughed and dissipated. Naruto sat up and spat the dirt in his mouth out. He heard a chuckle, and focused his attention to the grinning Jiraiya on the opposite riverbank.

"Caught you brat!" Naruto glared and stood.

"You cheated!" Jiraiya looked affronted.

"Did not!"

"DID SO!"

"I did not!"

"You used your damn funky toad stuff and had it tackle me! YOU CHEATED!" Jiraiya gave a loud laugh.

"Damn kid, I like you." Naruto got a disgusted look on his face, and was about to say something when Jiraiya cut in, "Alright, I'll train you to summon toads!" Naruto blinked.

"Summon?"


	38. When Hashirama Met Jiraiya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama knew, the second he saw him, that he did not like Jiraiya.

Hashirama glared at the surprised looking white-haired pervert before him as he stood protectively in front of Naruto. He, his brother, and his eternal rival had finally finished their talks with Hiruzen. It took them three whole days to hammer out all the details of their plan to take down that snake guy. Hashirama had honestly forgotten the snake dude's name since Hiruzen only mentioned it the one time and then refused to say it again.

"Ha-Hashirama-sama? You... you're alive?" The pervert asked, staring wide eyed at Hashirama. Hashirama glared.

"What have you been doing to Naruto-kun!" Hashirama shouted, making the pervert blink.

"Hashirama-sama, it's me, Jiraiya! Remember? The kid Tsunade-hime kept punching out?" Hashirama raised a brow, and thought back through the years. After a few moments of silence, Hashirama started snickering.

"Oh man, I forgot that you were whipped! By my granddaughter no less!" Jiraiya flushed and looked away as Hashirama began laughing. Naruto, who had been silent up until now, piped up,

"What's does being whipped mean? Shikamaru said I was whipped when I told him about Sakura-chan's hitting me!" Hashirama's laughter slowly died off. He wiped his eyes and turned to Naruto.

"Well Naruto-kun, to be whipped means that your woman is in control of your life." Hashirama tried to think of a way to continue explaining.

"It basically means," A familiar deep voice said with a chuckle. "that you suck and fail at relationships." Hashirama turned and spotted Madara leaning against the building opposite of them, a large smirk on his face. Sasuke was next to him, deep in thought about something or another.

"Madara! Where'd you come from?" Hashirama asked, ignoring Jiraiya's sputtering at the revived Uchiha. Madara gave a noncommittal shrug and gestured to Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun here needed enlightenment." Madara immediately turned to Naruto and shushed him, as the blond was about to ask him what enlightenment meant. "Enlightenment, Naruto, means that I just told him a bunch of shit you don't need to know, and that I give you permission to pester Hashirama for new jutsu." Naruto cheered, and launched himself at the First Hokage.

"Hashirama-jii! Teach me a new jutsu! Please?" Naruto attempted to make the same face he made to Madara during the prelims. Hashirama desperately tried to look anywhere but the pouting blond, but was unsuccessful when Naruto shouted, " **Shadow Clone Jutsu!** " and he was surrounded by cutely pouting blonds.

"Alright, alright! Naruto-kun! I'll teach you a jutsu but please, knock it off!" Naruto cheered once again.

"YAY! What're ya' gonna teach me Hashirama-jii? Ne, ne, is it something super-duper cool?" As Naruto jabbered his ear off, Hashirama lead him away from Madara, Sasuke, and Jiraiya. Madara chuckled darkly.

"Mwahahaha... revenge is the best." Madara looked at Sasuke, who was staring at him. "Now Sasuke-kun, I promised to teach you all about revenge, didn't I?" Sasuke nodded, looking almost like a depressed puppy. "Well, it starts like this..." Madara proceeded to tell Sasuke all about getting revenge as the two Uchiha walked off into the sunset. Jiraiya was left all alone, his mind brought to a halt at the two revived shinobi. _'One more surprise,'_ He thought, turning on the spot. _'like that, and I think I'll need a drink...'_

"Ne, Tobirama-sama, isn't that Jiraiya of the Sannin?" Jiraiya heard a young girl call out. The revived Second Hokage and some pink haired kid entered his field of vision. He groaned and rubbed his temples, before heading towards the closest bar. Yes, he definitely needed a drink.


	39. Hashirama Still Sucks at Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Naruto, his entourage doesn't pay him attention during his big battle.

Naruto strutted into the final arena, his entourage at his heels. Oh he was going to OWN this tournament! He felt a smug grin cross his face as he fantasized about winning against everyone, especially Sasuke.

"Easy Naruto, if your ego gets any bigger it'll explode." Madara said, as they stood in line next to Shikamaru. Naruto stuck his tongue out at the old Uchiha.

"Take your own advice Old Man!" Hashirama chuckled.

"He got you there Madara." Madara glared at him for a few seconds before turning his head away with a huff. Hashirama returned his attention to Naruto. "Well Naruto-kun? You ready to win this tournament?" Naruto flashed him a thumbs-up.

"Definitely!" The Proctor, who was most definitely _not_ the same guy from the Prelims, coughed to gain their attention. Naruto frowned at him. "Hey, who're you?"

"Shirunai Genma. I'm your new proctor for the Third Exam because Hayate's... on a mission." Naruto's frowned deepened as Genma pulled a napkin from his vest pocket. "One of the competitors has dropped out last minute, so there are some changes to the schedule." Naruto gave the new schedule a glance, before noting that his matches didn't change. "Has everyone seen who they are now battling?" Everyone nodded. "Good. Now, will Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Neji please step forward? The rest of you may head up those stairs there to the competitor's booth." Naruto grinned and stepped towards the Proctor, as did Neji. Neji gave him a scathing glare, which Naruto chose to ignore. "Are the two competitors ready?" Naruto dropped into an offensive stance, while Neji just crossed his arms. Genma glanced between them before raising a hand. "Ready?" He thrust his arm down and jumped back with a shout of, "FIGHT!"

* * *

Naruto ran forwards with a shout, a fist raised. Neji continued to glare as he dodged. Naruto shouted again and launched a sloppy kick at Neji's legs. A kick Neji just leaped over and returned with his own, sending naruto flying back towards his entourage. Naruto groaned as he sat up. Hashirama gave him a concerned look-over.

"Naruto-kun, are you alright?" Naruto huffed and nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, I''m fine." Naruto jumped to his feet and placed his hands into a cross-shaped seal. "Take this! **Shadow Clone Jutsu!** " Naruto poured a lot of chakra into the jutsu, causing just over a hundred of himself to appear. Neji's eyes widened just a little as each Naruto came rushing towards him, fists raised high. Hashirama cheered loudly while Madara rolled his eyes. Tobirama didn't say or do anything, as he was more focused on looking around the arena. As Naruto attempted to hurt Neji, Tobirama turned to his brother and Madara.

"Do you two feel that?" Hashirama blinked and gave him a look.

"Feel what?"

"That chakra." Tobirama gestured around, as if that answered Hashirama's question. Madara raised a brow before focusing his chakra and trying to detect what Tobirama had. Hashirama followed his lead. Tobirama concentrated on the familiar chakra he had felt, only to feel it slink away and disappear. "Shit, it's gone!" Tobirama cursed as Hashirama frowned, gaining a contemplating look.

"It felt really familiar. Kinda like my chakra does, now that I think on it." Madara started to chuckle darkly, causing the brothers to look at him. "Madara? What is it?"

"Heh heheheheh..." Madara's Sharingan whirled to life as his gaze lifted to the Kage's Box. "The hidden _hebi_ is back." Hashirama's eyes widened, while Tobirama's narrowed. Before either brother could respond, they suddenly heard loud cheering, from both Naruto and the crowd. The three revived ninja returned their attention to the fight, only to realize that, in their private chakra detection party, they had missed the entire thing. Hashirama gained a sheepish look as Naruto bounded towards them happily, if a bit dirty and a few bruises dotting his arms and face.

"Ne, ne, ne, ne! Didja see that Hashirama-jiji! I was soooooooooo cool! I kicked Neji's perverted ass!" Hashirama gulped and forced a grin onto his face.

"I sure did! Y-You were great Naruto! How about, a-after this, I buy you ramen!" Hashirama lied horribly, and let out a boisterous laugh that sounded decidedly fake. Madara rolled his eyes as Tobirama shook his head. Naruto cheered loudly once again, before running towards the stairs, the three revived ninja at his heels. Madara turned to Hashirama.

"You still suck at lying."


	40. Naruto Has a Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto has a flashback about cliff-jumping.

Naruto felt his mind drift off as Shikamaru and Temari's battle started to drag on past two minutes. Madara noticed immediately when the blond's attention spanned into nothingness, as the preteen started staring at a crack in the wall as if reminiscing how it got there.

* * *

In fact, Naruto was having a flashback. Not that anyone could see it, as it was Naruto's flashback and not anyone else's. Anyways, Naruto was thinking back to when he was training with Jiraiya to summon Toads.

* * *

It wasn't going to well. No matter what he tried, he could summon a stupid toad! All he got was crappy looking half-deformed tadpoles. Which Jiraiya freaked about, as apparently, there was no deformed tadpoles on Mount Myoboku, whatever that was. Naruto tried once again to summon a toad. He bit his thumb and quickly performed the required seals, before slamming a hand down with a shout of,

" **SUMMONING JUTSU!** " A large cloud of smoke burst into existence, before it dissipated and revealed yet another tadpole. At least this one was only missing it's one back leg. Last time he summoned one, the thing's head was completely gone! He heard Jiraiya sputter angrily before he dismissed the tadpole.

"You brat! Can't you at least try for whole tadpoles! It's better than torturing the poor things by decapitating them!" Naruto frowned at the long words in that sentence.

"What's torturing mean? And decapipatin'?" Naruto winced as he knew he mangled the second word. Jiraiya stared at him.

"Are you... are you really that stupid?" Naruto bristled and glared at him.

"I'M NOT STUPID YOU PERVERTED ASS!" Jiraiya glared right back.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING PERVERTED BRAT!"

"I'M CALLING YOU PERVERTED YOU PERVERTED JERK!"

"THAT'S IT!" Jiraiya reached out and pushed against Naruto's chest. Naruto flew back. In fact, he flew so far back that he fell off off the damn cliff they were training next to.

"HOLY MOTHER OF THE RAMEN GOD!" Naruto screamed as he fell into the crevice. His sensitive ears just barely picked up an angry snarl from above him and Hashirama's voice screaming at Jiraiya for his stupidity of throwing Naruto off of a cliff. Naruto spared a brief moment to wonder how long Hashirama was watching Naruto's failures at summoning. He closed his eyes with a desperate shout of, "I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes to see a large cage in front of him, with an eerily large, red, demonic-looking, eye peering out at him. Naruto stared for a few more seconds before saying, "Hello! I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto looked around before returning his attention to the eye, which hadn't moved or blinked yet. "Say, d'you know where we are? Last I remember, I was fallin' off of a cliff and was about to die."

**"..."** The eye finally blinked before a light (that most definitely had not been there before!) lit up to reveal that the eye belonged to the Kyuubi.

"Oh, hey, I didn't know I could come visit you!" That made the Kyuubi blink again and mutter something under his breath.

**"BRAT!"** The Kyuubi roared, nearly terrifying Naruto to death. **"What are you doing here!"** Naruto frowned and tilted his head.

"I went over that already. I was fallin' to my death and then I was here. Say, d'you think I can borrow some chakra? If I could summon the Toad Boss then I could not die." Naruto grinned wide. The Kyuubi gave Naruto a long hard stare before it seemed to shrug.

**"Sure, why not. Now, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"** It roared once again, sending a wave of red chakra at Naruto and forcibly ejecting him from his own mind.

* * *

Hashirama stormed angrily up to a now cowering Jiraiya after said Sannin pushed Naruto off of a cliff. Jiraiya was chattering a million miles a minute trying to placate the former Hokage. Hashirama vaguely heard two people land behind him, and immediately placed their chakras as his brother and Madara.

"WHY IN ALL OF THE ELEMENTAL NATIONS DID YOU THROW A GENIN OFF OF A DAMN CLIFF! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!" Hashirama screamed angrily, feeling near ready to push Jiraiya off of the cliff. He heard Tobirama make a noise of surpirse while Madara just scoffed and muttered about wanting to have pushed Naruto off of a cliff himself.

"I-It was the only way I could think of to make him use his tenant's power!" Hashirama hissed through his teeth.

"That is still no reason to throw a Genin off a cliff! What if the seal was designed so Naruto couldn't access the Kyuubi's power, huh! What then! Who's going to save him?!" Hashirama took a breath and, ignoring Madara's snickers and comments about needing popcorn, opened his mouth to continue his tirade. He was cut off, though, by Naruto's scream of,

" **SUMMONING JUTSU!** " And then, from the depths of the crevice, the large Toad Boss leaped up, Naruto dancing happily on his head. "I DID IT! I DID IT! I'M SO AWESOME!"


	41. Sasuke VS Gaara?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke is late, but at least he has a loud ass assassination Jutsu to show for it.

Naruto tapped his foot impatiently as the entire audience waited for Sasuke to show up. Kankurou had dropped out after Shikamaru and Temari reached a stalemate, and Shikamaru forfeited. The red-head Sasuke was supposed to fight was standing in the middle of the field, twitching now and then. Another minute passed with no Sasuke showing up. Naruto growled under his breath. After a few more seconds, Naruto shouted angrily and raised his hands in the air.

"What the hell you stupid stuck-up bastard! Where the hell ARE YOU!"

"Naruto, shut up. He'll be here in fifteen seconds." Madara said, cuffing the blond on the back of his head. Madara was the one who had voted to stay behind in the competitors box. Hashirama and Tobirama were standing next to the Hokage, talking to one another about something.

"But Madara-oji! He's so late!" Madara sighed, and glared at the sky for a few seconds, before a smirk crossed his face. He looked back down at the red-head in the arena.

"You're right Naruto. He stood up his pretty date. But," Just as he said that, a large plume of smoke erupted in front of the proctor. "better late than never, right?" Naruto blinked in confusion, until the smoke dissipated.

"SASUKE! You're LATE!"

* * *

This was not working. That was the only thought on Sasuke's mind as he failed to hit his opponent, Gaara. He leaped up to the wall as Gaara threw another wave of sand at him. Sasuke let his Sharingan swirl into his eyes ashe contemplated what to do. He could use the new move Kakashi had taught him. He made three hand seals, and lowered his hand to the ground. Kakashi had told him that the technique worked better the closer he was to the ground. Something about fastest path of electrons. Sasuke had honestly not bothered listening to his science-y mumbo-jumbo. He felt his hand heat up as chakra started coursing through it. Eventually, his chakra changed into lightning, and Sasuke stood, keeping his hand low. He dashed towards the sand-covered Gaara with a shout of,

" **CHIDORI!** "

* * *

Naruto watched with wide eyes as Sasuke started his newest technique. It was so cool! Madara, who was now standing next to Naruto and leaning on the railing, scoffed at the stars in the brat's eyes. Madara had briefly let his Sharingan activate to copy the technique, because one would never know when a loud assassination technique would come in handy.

"Ne, Madara-oji, d;you think Kaka-sensei could-" Madara cut the blond off before he could continue.

"No." Naruto pouted.

"But you don't even know what I was going to ask!"

"Yes, I do, and Hatake wouldn't be able to teach you the technique. Your element is not Lightning." Naruto's pout turned into a frown.

"Element?"

"Yes, you see-" Madara was cut off from his soon-to-be lecture by a horrible scream coming from Gaara.

"BLOOD?! MY **BLOOD!** " And then feathers started to fall, as Gaara's teammates/siblings grabbed him and dashed from the arena, Sasuke on their heels. Madara raised a brow, the Genjutsu passing over him harmlessly. He turned to Naruto will all intents to continue his lecture. Only to find that he was out cold from the Genjutsu.

"...really, Naruto? Really?"


	42. How Dare You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orochimaru knows what buttons to push.

"Get up, brat." Madara said, as he kicked Naruto in the side repeatedly, absently sending small bursts of chakra into the blond. Naruto groaned and shakily tried to stand.

"Ouch... my head and my ribs hurt." Naruto yelped as he felt his side, a row of fresh bruises slowly starting to form there. "Madara-ji, did you kick me?!"

"No." Madara said, not even bothering to hide his sarcasm. "I just patted you repeatedly with my foot until you woke up." Naruto huffed.

"You don't have'ta be all sarcastic with me." Madara raised a brow.

"Oh, wow, can you actually detect when I'm being sarcastic?" Naruto flushed red and turned away.

"Of course I can!"

"NARUTO!" Sakura's voice cut their conversation short. Naruto's face split into a grin as she ran up, a small dog at her heels.

"Sakura-chan! Wassup?" Sakura made a face before shaking her head and grabbing his arm.

"Come on, Kakashi-sensei said that we gotta follow Sasuke-kun! Get Shikamaru up and let's go!" Naruto flashed her a thumbs-up.

"Sure thing Sakura-chan!" Naruto turned to Madara. "Say, Madara-oji, can you go see if the old man is alright?" He pointed at the Kage box, before turning and running towards the faking Shikamaru. Madara grumbled about ungrateful blonds under his breath, as he leaped onto the railing and away from the Genin.

* * *

Madara landed with a soft thud behind a squad of ANBU outside of a shimmering purple barrier. His Sharingan whirled to life and tried to analyze the barrier.

"Madara-sama!" One of the ANBU, a newer recruit by tell of the relief present in his voice, shouted, gaining the other ANBU's attention.

"Madara-sama, we are grateful you have come. We cannot figure out a way to get inside the barrier. Madara rolled his eyes and stalked forwards. "I wouldn't do that if I were you!" Madara just gave the ANBU a flat stare over his shoulder, and reached out to touch the barrier. The second he touched it, his hand burst into flames, making him curse and start shaking it wildly to douse the flame.

"I can understand why you told me not to do that..." He muttered, waiting for his hand to heal up. He eyed the barrier in contemplation for a few seconds, before turning to the ANBU. "How badly would I be burned if I just walked right on through?" The ANBU glanced at each other, before one of them shrugged. "What load of help you turned out to be." One of the ANBU shifted as if ready to say something, but they were cut off by Hashirama shouting,

"Orochimaru! How dare you!" Madara sighed, and, taking a single calming breath, dashed at the barrier.

* * *

Naruto landed on a tree branch as his new entourage stopped suddenly. He frowned at them.

"What's wrong?" Pakkun, the small dog that was leading them, tilted his nose behind them.

"There is a group of shinobi incoming. Each of them are at least Chunin, possibly Jounin, level." Naruto gulped.

"H-How many?" Sakura whispered. Pakkun shook his head.

"I can't tell for sure. Anywhere from ten to fifteen." Shikamaru cursed softly, before standing from the crouch he had taken up.

"I'll stall them. You two go on ahead." Naruto's eyes widened.

"Shikamaru, you can't! You'll get killed!" Shikamaru just gave him a small smile.

"I'll do what's right to protect my teammates. I'll set up an ambush while you two run off to find Sasuke. Now go!" Naruto nodded, as did Sakura, and they continued to jump from branch to branch. Naruto gave a fleeting glance back, just in time to see Shikamaru jump to the ground, and he swallowed roughly.

"Do... do you think he'll be alright?" Naruto asked. Sakura shook her head.

"I don't know Naruto. Hopefully..."

* * *

Madara phased through the barrier with just a few burns and one arm missing. It was all good though, because it started reforming a few seconds later. He brushed ash off of his shoulders before glancing up. The four shinobi that were sealed inside were staring at him from behind two coffins. Hashirama stared at him in horror and sadness (and were those tears in his eyes?), Orochimaru in fascination, Hiruzen in slight anger, and Tobirama in pity. It was the last stare that made him question out loud,

"What?" That single question made Orochimaru chuckle.

"Madara! Get out of here!" Hashirama shouted, making Madara raise a brow. He'd be one hell of an asset here! Why would Hashirama want him gone? The coffins slowly started to descend into the ground as its occupants stepped out. Madara's attention landed fleetingly on the red-head who stepped out of coffin number one, and focused entirely on the man stepping from coffin number two. He could feel his Mangekyou activating as the man turned around. Madara's eyes never left the man as he stepped towards him, onyx eyes wide in childish glee. Madara let out a snarl as Orochimaru chuckled again.

"How dare you!" Madara appeared in front of the Sannin, only to get a fist in the face curtsey of _him._ Madara flew back, and was stopped from slamming to the barrier by Hashirama. Madara growled and stood.

"Madara, just go! We can take care of things!" Hashirama shouted, desperation lacing his voice. Madara shook off Hashirama's wood jutsu and walked deliberately towards _him._

" **IZUNA!** "


	43. Free Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama knew he married her for a good reason.

Madara felt his eyes burn from the chakra the pooled there. _Damn that vile snake bastard to the deepest pits of hell!_ He thought, raising a hand to touch his cheek, where his brother had punched him at the beginning of their battle. His brother, who had hazy, unfocused eyes from the kunai Orochimaru had plunged into the back of his skull. His eyes flickered over to Hiruzen and Tobirama. They both decided to take on Orochimaru together, leaving him and Hashirama to their respective personal battles. Speaking of the First Hokage, Madara flicked his eyes to the brunette. He was fighting off tears as his opponent rushed him. If there was one thing good about this Edo Tensei bout, it was that Madara was not fighting _her._

Because Uzumaki Mito was one hell of a fuinjjutsu master, and she knew how to use her skills in battle.

* * *

Naruto landed on a branch, as something flew at him, just missing him. He turned his head slightly, and spotted a kunai that was glistening with some weird purple liquid buried into the tree behind him. He reached out to run his hand over the liquid.

"It's poison Naruto! Don't touch it!" Sakura shouted, and Naruto quickly retracted his hand. A chuckle echoed around them.

"Heh, you're not a stupid as you look." Naruto's head snapped up, only to see Gaara's brother, Kankuro, perched on a branch a few metres up. Naruto shouted and pointed at him.

"AH! It's CATBOY!" Kankuro twitched and glared.

"What'd you call me brat!" Naruto blinked.

"Hey, that's exactly what Ero-Sennin says to me! D'you know him or somethin'?" Kankuro raised a brow.

"I have no idea what you're prattling on about." He reached behind him, and pulled the puppet off of his back. "Get ready to face the might of my Karasu!" Naruto frowned as the bandages surrounding the puppet fell, revealing a rather human-looking puppet.

"I dunno, that's a stupid name for a human looking puppet. Why'd ya' call it Crow for?"

"I didn't call it Crow! It's name is Karasu, and the legendary puppet master Sasori named it!" Naruto shrugged.

"Never heard of him. Must not be so legendary if the awesomest Genin in the world has never heard of him." Kankuro was about to respond when someone new interrupted them.

"Uzumaki-san, Haruno-san, please go ahead to Uchiha-san. I'll take care of him." Shino said, appearing from out of nowhere, making Naruto screech.

"What the hell Shino! You scared me! Don't just appear like that!" Shino turned to Naruto.

"I am sorry. Next time I will announce my presence before speaking." Naruto shuddered.

"So creepy..." Shino pretended not to hear Naruto, and gestured for them to continue.

"I can manage him. Please continue on." Naruto and Sakura nodded, before launching themselves forwards to continue following Pakkun. Shino returned his attention to Kankuro. "Now..." He raised a hand, and his colony of insects started leaking out. "...shall we fight?"

* * *

Hashirama pouted as he pulled yet another punch. It just wasn't fair! This was his wife he was fighting! She was the one who kept telling him not to hit girls! And besides, would he hitting her count as domestic abuse? Even if she's being controlled by some snake freak? Hashirama leaped away as his wife tried once again to place an explosive seal (of her own design no less!) on him. He just couldn't do it.

"This isn't fair!" He whined, and he knew that Madara had just rolled his eyes. Mito raised a brow and glanced at Orochimaru, who was facing away from them, and smirked before placing a finger at her mouth in a shushing motion. Hashirama was getting real confused. Weren't her eyes unfocused just a few seconds ago? "Mito?"

"Dear, you've really let yourself go." She sassed quietly, still smirking. Hashirama felt his heart soar.

"Mito! My love, it's been so long!" He ran towards her for a hug.

"SHH!" She slammed a hand onto his mouth, and peered over his shoulder at Orochimaru. "Dear, I'm trying to keep my free will a secret. Do me a favour, and shut up for a bit." Hashirama grinned at her.

"Anything for you, Mito."


	44. The Mystery Explained! Err... Kinda.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke gets thrown and Hashirama gets lovey-dovey time with Mito.

Naruto skidded to a stop on the ground. Pakkun had suddenly stopped running, nose raised. Pakkun sniffed the air before a low growl rumbled out of him.

"Pakkun? What's wrong boy?" Naruto asked, creeping closer to the dog. Naruto opened his mouth, about to ask again after a few minutes of silence. Just as he started to form the words, a black blur slammed into him, sending him and whoever landed on him to the ground. "OW!"

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shouted. Naruto heard a groan come from above him. Sasuke lifted his head and tsked.

"Damn, he's strong..." He muttered, before he noticed Naruto below him. "Oh." He quickly got off of the blond and dusted off his shirt. "Hey idiot, why are you and Sakura here?" Naruto grumbled obscenities under his breath, and stood.

"Kakashi-sensei told us to come and get you! The village is under attack!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke blinked and looked back towards the village.

"That explains all that smoke." He said, before returning his attention to the blond. "I can't go back right now Naruto. You and Sakura should go back to the village." Naruto frowned.

"Why?"

"Because-" Sasuke was cut off by a hand made out of sand slapping him across the field. A grotesque-looking boy jumped into the clearing, a deranged grin on his face. "Fu-uck...that hurt..." Sasuke hissed in pain and stood shakily.

"HEY! You can't do that to Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, as he made his signature hand seal. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Hundreds of Naruto appeared and leaped towards what he assumed was that Gaara kid. "Take this Gaara!" Just as his clones were about to land their punches, Gaara raised a hand and sent some of his sand at them, destroying most of them. "Ah!" Naruto was sent flying, and he landed next to Pakkun, who barked appreciatively.

"Damn kid, he's strong. Ah, I'm just going to go now. I', not a fighting dog after all." And with one last wave, the dog disappeared.

* * *

Hashirama smiled widely as his wife gave him a brief hug. A hug that he returned with gusto.

"H-Hashirama, you're cho-oking me!" Mito shouted, causing Hashirama to blush and drop her.

"I'm sorry love, it's just, I've missed you so much!" Mito sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You've only been out here for a few months."

"And it seems like years without your beautiful face!" Hashirama swept her into a hug once again.

"Hashirama stop!" Hashirama pouted as he dropped his wife. She glared at him. "Good. Now listen. When Orochimaru dismisses Izuna, I will not disappear-"

"You'll stay with me forever! It'll be just like old times-" She cut him off with another glare.

"As I was saying! I will not disappear _right away._ The seal I used to reacquire my free will only lasts another week at best." Hashirama gasped, and started to say something. She once again cut him off, this time by raising a hand. "Before you start your who _'I love you so much though! You need to stay forever!'_ spiel," She stated with a rather mocking tone. "just be glad that you get one more week with me." She glanced at Madara and Izuna. "It's more than Madara is going to get." Hashirama looked at the two Uchiha as well, for a few seconds, before he winced.  
Mito noticed and raised a brow. "What?"

"He's going to kill me when he discovers that you'll be staying longer than Izuna." Mito laughed and shrugged her shoulders in an unapologetic manner.

"That's not my problem Hashi-chan. That's yours."


	45. Exploding Kunai Mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto, you're supposed to throw it at Gaara, not Sasuke!

Naruto flew backwards from the force of Gaara's sand attack. He landed roughly on the other side of the clearing they were fighting in. As he sat up, absently wiping sweat from his eyebrows, he glanced at Sasuke and Sakura, who were on a tree branch about two metres back. Sakura was using basic first aid to patch up some of Sasuke's cuts- just enough to get him in fighting condition once again. Sasuke shot him a glare when he spotted him staring, and Naruto returned it with a determined nod. Although he really had no idea what Sasuke was trying to tell him.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" He heard Gaara scream as the redhead jumped into the trees.

"I don't know whether to be flattered or frightened that he knows my name..." Naruto mumbled, lifting himself to his feet slowly. His left arm dropped to his side uselessly, and Naruto winced when a flare of pain laced the motion. "Oh great, he broke my arm. Dammit, that's one of my punching arms!" Naruto whined, throwing his good arm into the air.

"You damn idiot! What are you just standing there for!" Sasuke shouted at him. Naruto blinked, before remembering that he was in the middle of a battle. Standing still for the amount of time he had been is a very bad idea. Naruto huffed and got out a kunai. An explosive tag was wrapped around the hilt, ready to go off at any moment. In fact, it was already on fire!

"NARUTO! THROW THE KUNAI NOW!" Sakura screeched, making Naruto frown. He had a good ten seconds before the thing blew! He didn't need to throw it right- "NARUTO!"

"Alright, alright! I'm throwing it!" He threw the kunai at Gaara. His aim was a bit off though.

"LOOK OUT!" Sasuke shouted, tackling Sakura out of the stray kunai's way. They hit the ground just as it exploded. Naruto flinched at the glares the two sent his way. He laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head with his good arm.

"Sorry?" Sasuke opened his mouth to berate Naruto. It was at this point that Gaara seized the chance to attack, lifting his arms and commanding his sand to charge towards the distracted blond.

"BEHIND YOU IDIOT!" Sasuke shouted. Naruto only blinked in confusion.

"Whaddya me-" Naruto started, but was cut off by Gaara's sand engulfing him. "-urk. O-Okay I ge-et it now." Naruto gasped out, as the sand started tightening.


	46. Gaara VS Naruto, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about it Sasuke. Naruto is the main character after all!

There was a giant sand raccoon-dog towering over him, and an orange blur was streaking about on its head, desperately trying to escape being trapped by the sand flying around. Sasuke felt his eye twitch as Naruto screamed something at the sleeping redhead. _'Why do I even bother?'_ He thought with a sigh. _'A few minutes ago_ _ **I**_ _was the main_ _fighter...'_

* * *

Naruto struggled inside the sand cocoon, trying to suck in some much needed air. He looked over to Gaara, who was grinning madly at him, completely ignoring Sasuke, who was trying to hit him.

"T-Teme! Hit hi-im!" Naruto choked out, just as the sand covered his head. Naruto gasped and forced his arms to move up into a hand seal. "SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" He shouted and the cocoon exploded outwards as a bunch of clones leaped out. One of his clones grabbed onto him and dragged him back, out of the sand's reach.

"Naruto! Are you alright?" Sakura asked, rushing to him. Naruto smiled at her.

"Yeah Sakura-chan, I'm alright!" His clone dispelled itself and Naruto swayed a bit uneasily. Sakura checked him over anways.

"You're arm!" She gasped, and Naruto shrugged.

"It's fine, really!" Sakura reached into her pouch for some bandages to wrap his arm up in. Naruto huffed, and returned his attention to Sasuke and Gaara. He blinked once he noticed that one of the fighters was missing, and turned to face his teammate. "Um, Sakura-chan? Where'd Gaara go?" Sakura turned her head to see a confused Sasuke with a Chidori slowly sputtering out, and furrowed her brow.

"I dunno." She turned back to him, and her eyes widened. "Look out Naruto!" She shouted, pushing him out of the way of a wave of sand. Naruto landed on the ground with a grunt, and quickly stood back up, only to see Sakura pinned to a tree a few metres away.

"Sakura-chan!" He ran to her and attempted to pull the sand off of her. As he did so, he heard Sasuke shout out in pain. He twisted around, just in time to catch the Uchiha that was flying towards him. "Sasuke! What happened!" Sasuke gave him a flat stare as Naruto carefully dropped him. Sasuke muttered something under his breath, and tried to stand back up.

"Well Uzumaki Naruto! Fight me!" Gaara growled across the clearing. Naruto's head snapped up, and he glared.

"Hey! You can't do that to my friends!"

"Friends!? Friends are useless!" Naruto scowled at the redhead and stepped around the downed Sasuke.

"No they're not!" Naruto took a deep breath before continuing. "And I'll show you why!" His hands slammed together and he called forth all of his chakra. When his eyes closed, heard the Kyuubi growl inside his head, and his blue chakra tinted red. He waited a few more seconds before opening his eyes, and he flashed forward.

"You! You're-" Gaara started, cut off by his sand catching Naruto's punch. Gaara's sand kept attempting to block all of Naruto's kicks and punches.

"TAKE THIS! SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" A large amount of Narutos appeared all around. "You're going down!" All of the Naruto reached to their shuriken packs. "Straight from my super secret ninja handbook! Everywhere Shuriken!" In barely a second, hundreds of shuriken were flung at Gaara. Gaara raised his sand in an effort to dodge all of them.

"Come out and fight me!" Gaara shouted. The real Naruto (although it was very debatable because every clone thought they were the real one) sneaked closer to Gaara, and shoved a kunai with an explosive note wrapped around it into the underpart of his sand tail. He smirked, and leaped back.

"Hah! Got you!" Naruto laughed, as the note caught fire. After a large explosion, Naruto grinned triumphantly to himself. "There's no way he-" The smoke cleared before Naruto could finish his sentence, revealing a mostly intact Gaara. A mostly intact Gaara with an even more deranged look on his face. "OH COME ON! How in the hell did you block an _explosion!?_ " Gaara leveled him with a glare and made a hand seal.

"Playing Possum Jutsu!"


	47. Speaking of Seals...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mito creates a seal and she and Hashirama have a heart-to-heart.

Madara snarled, and dodged another strike aimed at his abdomen. He lashed out with a kick, sending his brother flying back. His attack didn't seem to faze his brother, as he got right back up and charged once again. Madara jumped back, his hands forming seals, and took a deep breath.

" **Fire Style: Dragon Flame Jutsu!** " He let go of the breath he was holding, sending a huge dragon of fire at his still charging brother. Madara shifted slightly, as the fire slowly died down. "Izuna?" He called, his Sharingan spinning as he flicked his eyes around, trying to find Izuna.

"Nii-san." Madara ducked under his brother's kick, and rolled away, hands once again flashing through seals.

" **Fire Style: Phoenix Flower Jutsu!** " Several smaller fireballs launched themselves towards Izuna. Madara grabbed a kunai, and sped forwards. Izuna caught his arm, and flipped over him, not bothering to dodge most of the fireballs. Madara jumped up, dragging Izuna up with him. He twisted mid-air, and slammed Izuna into the ground, quickly forming another set of hand seals. " **Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!** " His brother couldn't dodge in time, and was engulfed in the flames. Madara landed in a quiet crouch, and let his Mangekyou swirl into his eyes. He stood and watched the flames. A fist jumped from the flames, his brother's slowly reforming body following after. Madara dodged and threw his own punch back. Something red flashed from the corner of his eye, making him turn slightly, just in time to see Mito flash in front of him. She slammed a piece of paper on his brother's forehead and shouted,

" _SEAL!_ "

* * *

Hashirama smiled once again at Mito, as she dragged a brush quickly across a small piece of paper. She was muttering under her breath about the seal she was creating.

"Mito-chan?" Hashirama asked, gaining a raised eyebrow in response. "Since you have a week more..." Her head snapped up, a frown on her face.

"Hashirama, what are you playing at?" Hashirama smiled a little wider.

"Well, since you have a week, I was thinking that maybe you could create a seal that lets you stay forever?" Mito stared at him in silence, before sighing and returning to the seal she was working on. Hashirama blinked and frowned to himself. "Mito?"

"Hashirama, it's not that easy. I'd have to create that seal from scratch, and even then, I do not know exactly how this Edo Tensei jutsu works. It would take me far longer than just a week to make such a seal." Her frown deepened. "Even if Tobirama and I worked together, it would take longer than a week. And Tobirama would know better than anyone how this jutsu works." Her brush was moving slowly over the paper. Hashirama gazed at her in sadness.

"But if we had another seal master helping?" Mito raised a brow again. "Hiruzen told me about his student Jiraiya. He's a bit of an master himself at sealing." Hashirama glared at the ground. "Although he's terrible with children."

"What happened?" Mito asked, an amused glint in her eyes.

"He threw your..." Hashirama frowned in thought. "I think he'd be your grand-nephew. Anyways, he threw your grand-nephew Naruto over a cliff edge to get him to use the Kyuubi's power to summon a toad." Mito giggled.

"That's not how I would have gone about it, but it did work out, didn't it?" Hashirama nodded.

"Yeah, but it was horrible. Naruto's mine, Tobirama's, and Madara's summoner you know. It was a-" Mito stood suddenly, cutting him off.

"A tale for another time. I've finished." She held up her newly created seal. "I'll be back in a second." With that she flashed towards Madara and Izuna.

"...mistake." Hashirama finished lamely, and watched as she slammed the paper on Izuna's forehead.

" _SEAL!_ "


	48. Reaper Death Seal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sacrifice made in vain...

Tobirama glanced over at Madara, making sure he was still going strong, before looking over to Hashirama. He wasn't all that surprised to see Mito working on a seal instead of fighting her husband. She _was_ an Uzumaki after all. One of the best seal masters he'd ever met too. He returned his attention to the fight he was participating in. He flicked his wrist, sending a kunai at Orochimaru, and dashed after it. The Sannin deflected the kunai back at him before ducking underneath of Hiruzen's staff, flying through hand seals.

" **Wind Style-** " The snake took a breath before continuing. " **-Great Breakthrough!** " Hiruzen jumped back, landing behind Tobirama, who was flashing through his own hand seals.

" **Water Style, Water Wall!** " A large wall of water shot up in front of the two, just as the wind attack reached them.

"Tobirama-sensei." Hiruzen said, drawing a nod from the former Hokage. "I have a plan, but I need you to distract him." Tobirama looked back at Hiruzen's determined face, and gave a brief head tilt.

"I see. I hope it's not anything rash. You're not as young as you once were Monkey." A smile crossed the Third's face.

"Neither are you Sensei." Tobirama clapped his hands together, making the water wall drop. He launched towards the Sannin, who had gone on the defensive. Hiruzen stared after him, before giving a soft sigh. "Forgive me, Tobirama-sensei..." He whispered, as he prepared his next jutsu. A jutsu that would see an end to his wayward student.

* * *

Madara's eyes widened slightly as his brother crumpled to the ground, his once emotionless eyes filling with deep regret. Izuna looked at him, and gave a smile.

"Thanks for the... spar... nii...san..." Izuna choked out, before his skin started flaking off, and a bright glow surrounded him. The glow dimmed after a moment, leaving a teenager's body where his brother's once was. Madara stared at the now foreign body.

"Izuna... you're welcome." He mumbled, before turning to Mito. "Uzumaki." He said, inclining his head. Mito gave him a smile.

"Uchiha." She looked over his shoulder, where he knew Hashirama was standing. "I'll be sticking around for a week. Blame Hashirama." Madara glanced at the body once again before smirking.

"No matter. You helped Izuna rest peacefully again. I don't mind that you're sticking around for a bit longer." He said, turning to a relieved looking Hashirama. "Besides. Hashirama needs you to discipline him. He's been..." Madara's smirk widened. "...slacking." Mito raised a brow and stared at Hashirama.

"Oh? Really now Hashirama?" Hashirama raised his hands in surrender.

"M-Mito-chan, I can explain, I was-" He was cut off by Tobirama's shout of,

"HIRUZEN NO!"

* * *

Tobirama struck out with a kunai, knowing that Orochimaru would dodge it. The Sannin did, and lashed out with his Kusanagi blade. Tobirama parried the blade near effortlessly, and kicked out at the snake. Orochimaru scowled and retreated back a bit, raising his blade again.

"It should have been me who summoned you and Hashirama back from the grave." He hissed. Tobirama shrugged slightly. "I had made all the preparations months ago, only to find out that some brat had beaten me to the punch." Orochimaru leaped forward, slashing the blade down. Tobirama dodged and aimed a kick at his legs. The Sannin jumped up and sent his own kick at the former Kage. Tobirama raised his arms and blocked the attack. Orochimaru flipped back, using Tobirama as a springboard of sorts, and landed in a crouch, staring across the battlefield at him. A few seconds ticked by before Orochimaru launched forwards, his blade posed to slash once again.

"Enma, now!" Hiruzen shouted, and a large monkey summon slammed into Tobirama, sending him flying away from the fight. Tobirama flipped mid-air to land on his feet. He stood quickly, ready to once again rejoin the fight. "This is it Orochimaru!" Hiruzen continued. Tobirama readied himself for a signal to rejoin the fight. "It's over! **Reaper-** " Tobirama's eyes widened. ' _He wouldn't!'_ Tobirama shot forwards to stop him. "- **DEATH SEAL!** " A sudden chill fell over the three shinobi. Orochimaru started shouting at Hiruzen and struggled to get out of his hold. Tobirama froze a few metres from the two, as a vague shape started forming behind Hiruzen, a shape that made Orochimaru struggle even more.

"No..." He whispered, taking a step towards the slowly weakening Hiruzen.

"Orochimaru... if I can't take... your whole soul..." Hiruzen gasped, staring at his frantic student. "I'll just take your ability to use jutsu away from you!"

"NO! NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT OLD MAN!" Orochimaru screamed, his arms jerking wildly, before falling useless to his sides. "NO! MY ARMS! DAMN YOU OLD MAN! DAMN YOU!" Hiruzen smiled, and staggered back.

"It's... done..."

"HIRUZEN NO!" Tobirama shouted and shot forwards again, catching the dying Hokage before he hit the ground.

"SOUND FOUR! It's over! Take me home!" Orochimaru yelled, and then the barrier fell as he disappeared with a plume of smoke.

"Hiruzen!" Hiruzen smiled at him. "You old fool!"

"Sorry... sensei... but I'm... finished... I'll see you... again... soon..." Hiruzen's eyes slid closed.


	49. Hiruzen's Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason why Hiruzen couldn't stop his traitorous student.

As he prepared the Reaper Death Seal, Hiruzen looked over at his once student. Orochimaru seemed to still be in great fighting condition, as did Tobirama. But his sensei appeared to be holding back, probably knowing that Hiruzen wanted to be the one to land the final blow. Orochimaru was _his_ student, and Tobirama respected his unsaid wish to deal the final blow. But as Hiruzen stared over at Orochimaru, hands shakily making their way through the painful seals that ended his successor, he felt his heart clench, much like it had all those years ago, when he first had the chance to end his student. He grit his teeth and started on the final string of seals.

"Enma! Now!" He shouted, shooting forwards towards his student, as his monkey summon slammed Tobirama away from the battle. As he had hoped, Tobirama landed a significant ways away from him and Orochimaru. Hiruzen latched onto his student, ignoring the blade that nicked his side when it dropped from Orochimaru's grip. "This is it Orochimaru!" Hiruzen growled, as he activated the jutsu. "It's over! **Reaper Death Seal!** " He felt chakra gather behind him, before something freezing cold shoved its way through his abdomen and into his student's. Orochimaru started to struggle, but Hiruzen held tight. His heart clenched once again when he spotted the fear hidden in his student's eyes. He felt his soul being tugged out behind him, and, with a glance down, he knew that the snake's soul was being pulled out as well. He tightened his grip as the Sannin's struggles became worse as he glanced down as well. His student started trying to pull his soul back in, his hidden fear now clearly displayed, and hissed and growled at him, though Hiruzen didn't pay attention to the many death threats coming from him.

" _Sensei!_ What are you _doing!_ " Orochimaru whispered, barely loud enough to hear. Hiruzen's heart felt like it was tearing into itself. But then, as his student called him sensei out of fear for his life, he realized something horrific.

_He couldn't do it._

He couldn't end his student's life. He couldn't do it back then, and now, when he had the perfect chance because he wasn't exhausted yet his student was, he still couldn't. But it wasn't like he could stop his jutsu. He glanced down at the soul in between them. There was one thing he could do. He could stop Orochimaru from ever destroying anything ever again.

"Orochimaru... if I can't take... your whole soul..." Hiruzen gasped, staring at his now frantically struggling student. "I'll just take your ability to use jutsu away from you!" He felt a shift behind him, and then his student and Tobirama screamed at him, and Orochimaru's hands fell useless to his sides, slowly blackening. Hiruzen let go of Orochimaru and staggered back, before beginning to fall to the ground. He was caught before he hit the ground. He vaguely heard Orochimaru calling for retreat. Tobirama stared down at him, scolding him for his stupidity. "Sorry... sensei... but I'm..." He took a breath, and smiled a bit wider at his sensei. "...finished... I'll see you... again... soon..." He felt his eyes slide close, and the last thing he heard was a soft sigh above him.

* * *

Tobirama sighed as Hiruzen's eyes closed. He gently lay the man down on the ground, and whispered a soft prayer for him. He heard feet pounding towards him, and he began to neatly arrange his once student's body into a neater position, more befitting of the dead.

"Tobirama... Hiruzen's...?" His brother asked, sorrow clear in his tone. Tobirama nodded, and stood. He turned to face the three behind him.

"Yes. The Third Hokage has fallen in battle." He said, ignoring the ANBU who rushed forward. Hashirama stared down at the smiling body, and leaned onto his wife.

"We should have been there to greet him in the afterlife..."

"Where is Orochimaru?" Madara asked, changing the subject, knowing that Hashirama might go into a depressed state at this rate. Tobirama tensed and looked around.

"He was right there. He called for a retreat, but his lackeys couldn't have gotten him out before the ANBU arrived. They were right outside the barrier." Tobirama sent out detecting chakra, prodding close signals. Madara's Sharingan whirled to life, morphing quickly into the Mangekyou, and he looked around, analyzing what little chakra in the air he could.

"There was a transportation jutsu used. One similar to the **Body Flicker** , only it was used for multiple people at once. Four in those corners," He pointed at the corners of the roof. "and one for right next to Hiruzen."

"That was Orochimaru. Can you tell where they went?" Madara shook his head.

"Whoever set this jutsu up, they must have had extensive knowledge of the Sharingan. I can't tell with the regular Sharingan, but with my Mangekyou, I can say that they went somewhere to the east. After that, I'm afraid that the trail is gone." Madara said, turning to look in the direction he claimed. Hashirama tsked from beside him.

"So we can't even get even with the brat for Hiruzen's death." Hashirama muttered, prompting a raised eyebrow from his brother.

"Hashirama..." Tobirama walked up to his brother, and patted his shoulder. "Next time brother. For sure."


	50. Gaara VS Naruto, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gaara VS Naruto fight continues! Who's on top this time?

Naruto stared up at the large beast in front of him. The beast was laughing maniacally as it stomped on trees, slowly making its way to the Village. He didn't know what to do. How did he beat this one? This was a freaking tailed beast! He was twelve!

"NARUTO! DO SOMETHING!" Sasuke shouted, from where he was trying to free Sakura from the sand. He was exhausted himself from using too many Chidori, and unable to fight Gaara any longer.

"BUT SASUKE! LOOK AT IT!" Naruto screeched, pointing at Shukaku. "I CAN'T FIGHT THAT!"

"JUST DO IT! We'll..." Sasuke trailed off, trying to think of something to motivate the blond. "WE'LL GO TO ICHIRAKU'S AFTER THIS!" Naruto's eyes lit up and a grin spread across his cheeks. He hadn't had Ichiraku's in forever! Well, he did have some right before his fight, so it had only been a few hours at the most, but still! He was _starving._ His stomach growled loudly.

"ALRIGHT!" He threw a fist into the air with a cheer, and made a seal. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Four clones popped into existence beside him. Naruto grinned wider at the sight of himself, and pointed up at the beast again. "Okay you four distract it! I'll... uh... summon the Toad Boss?" He trailed off into a question, and got a few nods in return. "Yeah! I'll summon the boss! Now go!" Each Naruto jumped in different directions, four towards the tailed beast, and one away from it.

"HEY BIG, FAT, AND UGLY!" One of the clone Naruto's shouted. The other three joined in on the taunting, wagging fingers at the tailed beast and calling it as if it were a dog. The original Naruto faked wiping a tear in pride. He started making the hand seals to the summoning jutsu, and felt deep inside himself. _'HEY FOX! Lend me some chakra!'_ He screamed into his mind, and, as he completed the last seal, a flood of the fox's demonic chakra rushed into the jutsu.

"SUMMONING JUTSU!" Naruto bit his palm and slammed his hand down to the ground. Gamabunta, the Toad Boss, appeared underneath him in a large plume of smoke. "Alright Boss Toad! We gotta take out that thing!" Naruto pointed, once again, at the tailed beast that was attempting to his his clones.

" **BRAT!** " Gamabunta called, staring at the beast. " **You called me here to fight a Tailed Beast! What kind of-** "

"LOOK BOSS TOAD! Just help me please! I need to do this for my teammates!"

" **Alright, alright!** " Gamabunta relented, readying his blade. " **We need to wake its host up. Do you know an animal with teeth and claws? We're going for a transformation!** " Gamabunta didn't even wait for Naruto to respond before leaping towards Shukaku, his toad-hands forming the seal for the transformation jutsu. Naruto yelled and held onto the Toad Boss, but couldn't think of an animal. " **Any animal will do if it has claws!** "

"Claws?" Naruto thought deeply, but only one thing came to mind. "ALRIGHT! LET'S DO THIS!" Naruto gathered his chakra and sent it into Gamabunta. "TRANSFORM!"

" **TRANSFORM!** " Gamabunta called as well, and the toad disappeared in smoke. The smoke stayed still for a moment, before a long red-orange arm extended out, followed by a lithe body. A roar erupted from the transformed toad boss. Nine distinct tails whipped around behind the toad.

Naruto had transformed him into the Kyuubi.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit fast paced, I know, but I'm getting bored of the Chunin Exam Arc. Seriously, it should have ended about ten-fifteen chapters ago. But it didn't. Welp, next chapter is the end of the Gaara VS Naruto fight, and the end of the Chunin Exam arc!


	51. Gaara VS Naruto, Part 3: Chunin Exam End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaara and Naruto's fight comes to an end, and Gaara learns some things about friendship.

The newly transformed Gamabunta growled and leaped towards the opposing tailed beast. Naruto crouched down and grabbed hold of the former toad's head.

"S-Slow down!" Naruto yelled. Gamabunta rolled his eyes and sped forward. "HEY!"

" **Shut it brat! This transformation won't last long!** " Naruto gulped and clung tighter to the transformed fur. Gamabunta latched onto the sand beast, who screeched at him, and gestured for Naruto to head towards the sleeping redhead.

"R-Right! Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Three other Narutos ran ahead of him, weaving in and out of the many sand tendrils that threatened to stab them. The real Naruto dashed forwards as well, and used one of his clones as a spring-board to launch himself towards Gaara. A large pop and a plume of smoke behind him signaled Gamabunta's transformation back to a toad. Naruto raised a fist as he closed in on the redhead, and grit his teeth. "GAARA!" He yelled, and thrust his fist forward. Just as it was about to connect, a whip of sand smacked it down, making him tumble. "Ah!" The sand crept up around him, slowly encasing his legs.

" **KID! DO SOMETHING!** " Gamabunta called, slashing down with his blade. Naruto struggled against the sand that was now at waist-height. His eyes widened slightly as the sand tightened and crept higher. _'FOX! I need some of your power NOW!'_  He shouted into his mind, hoping that the demon in his gut would respond. A flood of the heavy red chakra rushed out of his navel, pushing the sand away from him violently. Naruto grinned and rushed forward again, fist raised, as the red chakra died down. The sand behind him whipped towards him, wrapping around his arm and waist, tugging him away from the redhead. Naruto growled, and pushed on until his body was but a few inches from the other boy.

"WAKE UP!" Naruto slammed his head down onto the Gaara's, effectively waking him. Gaara's eyes widened at the sight of Naruto's face so close.

"You! But how-" Gaara started, being cut off by the giant demon below him screeching in pain and dissolving. Naruto fell back without the sand to hold him, as did Gaara. They landed on opposite trees, staring across the few metres separating staring in defiance and Gaara glaring in hatred. "...how? How are you so strong! You're just like me! Why are-"

"BECAUSE OF MY FRIENDS!" Naruto yelled, interrupting Gaara.

"USELESS!" Gaara shouted back, and Naruto scowled before crouching low. Gaara copied his motion. After a second, they both launched towards the other, fist raised, ready to determine who was the winner. Naruto thrust his fist forward, socking Gaara in the cheek, making the his head snap back and sending him flying to the ground. Naruto twisted mid-air and landed on the ground in a crouch, but teetered forward in exhaustion. Gaara lay on his back, staring up to the shifted his eyes to look at the blond.

"...it's almost unbearable, isn't it?" Naruto started, making Gaara frown in confusion. "The horrible pain of being alone. I know the feeling; I've been in that dark and lonely place all alone..." Gaara returned his attention to the sky. Naruto slowly tried to get up on his hands and knees. "But now... now I have people who mean a lot to me, and I care more about them than I do myself, ya' know." Naruto sat back, unable to continue any further than getting to his knees. "And I won't let anyone hurt them!" Gaara turned his head to the blond, and saw his glare. Gaara closed his eyes and shifted his head back. "I will stop you, even if I have to kill you! They saved me from that loneliness, they saved me from myself! They accepted me for who I was and they're my friends!" Naruto gathered his strength, just enough to start a slow crawl towards Gaara.

"...I... friends... what are they like?" Gaara asked, making Naruto pause. "I've... never had any..." Naruto let a small smile cross his face.

"What're you talkin' about?" Gaara cracked open his eyes and looked at the blond, just as he fell over onto his side and blue eyes closed. "Ya' got me..." Naruto continued, before his breathing evened out. Gaara felt someone try to pick him up, and turned to see his siblings. Kankurou had a kunai out, and was staring at the downed blond.

"Kankurou... enough. Take me home..." His siblings shared a look, before looping their arms around him. As they hobbled into the trees, Gaara let a smallsmile grace his face and muttered, "Temari... Kanurou... I'm sorry..."


	52. Questions, Answers, and the Uchiha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara explains some things to Naruto, and then Naruto goes on a mission.

"I don't get it." Naruto said, standing on top of the Hokage Mountain after the Third Hokage's funeral. The three revived shinobi stood behind him, varying degrees of worry on their face. Hashirama looked like he was afraid Naruto would jump, Tobirama was worried that the old monkey's death would spur the blond into a downward spiral much like what had happened to Madara when Izuna died, and Madara... well, he didn't look worried at all. In fact he just looked slightly angry.

"What, Naruto-kun?" Tobirama asked, and Naruto frowned.

"Why'd he have to die? Why'd Orochimaru attack the village? Why'd he kill him?" Tobirama and Hashirama shared a look. Tobirama gestured at Naruto with a nod, and Hashirama sighed.

"Well Naruto," The First Hokage started, staring down at the village. "sometimes we don't get all the answers we want. Orochimaru was Hiruzen's old student, but he turned traitor to the village and ran off. We don't know what was going through his head. We may never know." Naruto looked up at him, and smiled.

"Thanks Hashi-oji-san, but I still don't get it. Why'd he target Sasuke then?" Hashirama frowned at the question, but prepared to answer anyway.

"I can answer that, brat." Naruto jumped and looked over. Jiraiya sat atop a small tree stump a ways back, writing on a scroll. "He was after Sasuke's Sharingan." Naruto huffed and crossed his arms.

"Sharingan, Sharingan! Everyone keeps mentioning this stupid eye thing-y but why is it so _important!_ " Naruto shouted.

"Naruto." Madara's deep voice said, making the blond turn to him. "The Sharingan is a doujutsu, for one. It is not an 'eye thing-y' nor can it be labelled as simply 'important'." Madara stalked towards the blond, his own Sharingan blazing to life. "It is a dying Kekkai Genkai, or Bloodline Limit, making it much more than _important._ There are four people on this earth right now who can use it, _including me._ " Naruto winced at the older ninja's patronizing tone. "It can copy jutsu, make the user see into a brief future, and that's just the _first tomoe_ of the _first stage._ " Naruto dropped his gaze to the floor at the Uchiha's stare. "The Uchiha Clan Massacre had wiped out every. _Single._ **_User_.** "

"I... I'm sorry Madara-oji. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine Naruto. Watch what you say next time." With that, Madara, turned and walked off. Naruto followed him with his eyes until he was gone. Hashirama patted his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to hurt his feelings! I swear!"

"We know Naruto." Tobirama muttered, before returning his attention to Jiraiya. Jiraiya cleared his throat, and stood.

"Naruto, I need you to come with me on an important mission." Naruto visibly brightened at the prospect of a mission. "We're going off to find my old teammate, Tsunade. She's-" He was cut off by Hashirama jumping up and down in excitement.

"This is going to be GREAT!" Hashirama shouted. "I get to see my little granbaby again!" Jiraiya blinked.

"Sir, you do know she's not a baby anymore, right?"

"Of course I do!" Hashirama shouted. Jiraiya made to continue, but Naruto cut him off this time.

"Let's go now!" Naruto cheered, rushing off, making the elder shinobi follow him.

* * *

Madara strolled down a street near the front gates about fifteen minutes later. There was this excellent tea-shop around here, but he couldn't remember which street it was on exactly. As he turned down what he hoped was the right street, a flying blond blur crashed into him and gave him a... a hug? Madara blinked and looked down, only to see shining blue eyes and a wide grin.

"Naruto?" Madara raised a brow as the blond jumped off of him.

"I saw you walking off when me and the Pervy Sage and the Hokage-samas were gonna leave for a mission and I wanted to say bye 'cuz we're gonna be gone for like a month!" Naruto shouted quickly, gesturing over to the gates. Tobirama and Hashirama were loitering next to Jiraiya, watching the two of them. "But I gotta go now so bye!" Madara blinked once again as the blond ran off. He shook his head and continued down the road. As he walked, he analyzed the conversation between him and Naruto. _'Did he say a month?'_ Madara thought, before a smirk emerged on his face. _'On second thought, I could go for a better drink than tea now.'_ As he made his way to the bar on the next road over, he spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Not that it was familiar in the way that he _knew_ who it was, but familiar in the way the person's cheekbones curved high and the way dark onyx eyes scanned through the crowd. Madara frowned as his eyes followed the two men in the black cloaks. _'Are those clouds on them?!'_ He thought with a shake of his head. His Sharingan whirled to life once again, and he set about following them for real.

"After all," He muttered to himself, a sneer marring his face. "how often is another Uchiha in town?"


	53. Mito, Meet Naruto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama invites Mito along for the ride.

The two previous Hokage had just stepped past the gates, following Naruto and Jiraiya who had taken the lead, when they were stopped by a shout.

"Hashirama!" Hashirama stiffened, and slowly turned back to the village. His beautiful wife was stalking towards them, anger rolling off her in waves.

"M-Mito-chan!" Hashirama laughed nervously. They had spent a lot of the past three days since the invasion 'catching up' in private. Mito had holed herself up in one of the empty rooms in Naruto's apartment complexes, tinkering with several seals to see if she _could_ bring herself back to life. Hashirama gulped as the redhead neared.

"Hashirama! I spend a few hours making seals and you decide that you can just take off on a mission and not alert me! I should have you cas-" Hashirama cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"MITO! I'm going to see Tsu-chan! You should come too!" The anger surrounding Mito vanished in an instant.

"Tsu-chan? You mean Tsunade-chan?" Hashirama nodded. "Hmm." Mito made a thinking pose, her hand under her chin, and thought for a few moments. "Yes. I shall come along. I can tinker with my seals anywhere, after all. Perhaps on the road I will get inspiration." She nodded sagely to herself and smirked at Hashirama. "Well Hashi-kun, let's go!" She strutted past him.

"Ah, wait, Mito-chan! There's someone I'd like to introduce you to!" Hashirama said, dashing towards Jiraiya and Naruto. Said duo stared at him, Naruto with confusion and Jiraiya with a raised eyebrow. "Sorry Jiraiya, I'm borrowing Naruto, kay?" Without waiting for a response, he grabbed the blond's hand and started dragging him back to his wife.

"Dear, who is this?" Mito asked, staring down at Naruto. "He looks familiar, the way his cheeks are so full... he almost looks like Ku-" Hashirama slapped a hand to her mouth.

"Shh-shh! Mito-chan, that's a secret for now! Not so close to the village!" Hashirama whispered, so Naruto didn't hear, before beckoning the young man forward. "This is Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto, this is my wife, Uzumaki Mito." Naruto and Mito blinked, before exclaiming, in unison,

"EEEEEEH?!"


	54. It's Almost Time to Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shall we dance?

Itachi glanced around for what felt like the sixtieth time since arriving in Konoha not even a half-hour ago. His eyes narrowed as he swept his gaze over the many civilians and some ninja who were walking the streets. Someone was staring at him and Kisame. He could feel it. But he couldn't see anyone doing so.

"Geez Itachi, calm down. You're acting more paranoid than Leader-sama." Kisame said, a chuckle rumbling from him. Itachi raised a brow at his partner, before gesturing to the tea house they had stopped in front of.

"I just feel as if someone is watching us. Let's get something to drink. I haven't had Konoha grown and brewed tea since I defected." Kisame gave him a slight shrug, and pushed past him to enter the shop. Itachi scanned the crowds once again before tipping his hat lower over his eyes and entering the shop as well.

* * *

A few metres away, lounging in a completely conspicuous way on a bench, Madara smirked at the other Uchiha as Sharingan eyes swept past him in dismissal. To be fair, Madara wasn't very visible through the bustling crowd, but if this was who he thought it was, the kid should've seen him by now. Especially with that Sharingan of his activated. But the other Uchiha's eyes just passed him by once again as he entered the tea shop. Madara stood and stretched lightly.

"I should make a hell of an entrance." He smirked to himself, and stalked towards the shop, the crowd parting for him at the sight of his expression. He paused for a few seconds in front of the store and straightened the Jounin-standard shirt he was wearing. He felt rather naked without his armour, but it had to be cleaned and only one person in all of modern Konoha knew how to clean it, _and_ it would take him the better part of three days. Madara sighed. He _really_ missed his armour. He raised a hand to the shop door, and, with a flick of his wrist, sent it flying into the store.

"S-Sir! Wha..." The receptionist started, only to trail off upon spotting him standing in the doorway. "Ma-Madara-sama!" Madara smirked when the other Uchiha stiffened and looked over at him.

"What a nice establishment." Madara drawled, strutting towards the receptionist. "I would like a table." The receptionist stuttered for a few seconds before calling a terrified waiter over.

"I-I'll take you to a t-table Madara-sama!" Madara followed the waiter with a smirk. A smirk that widened when his table ended up being right next to his intended targets. He sat with a flourish, and scanned the menu. "W-What would you like to order?"

"Black tea. Make it quick, I have somewhere I need to be." He snapped his fingers and the waiter took off. He could feel the two cloaked nin watching him closely, and his smirk took on a decidedly evil edge. The waiter returned, a tray in his hands.

"H-Here's your order Madara-sama!" Madara raised a brow as he placed his cup of tea to his right, and a plate of inarizushi beside it. "T-The inarizushi is compliments of the chef." Madara was quick to grab one, knowing that no one was stupid enough to poison _him,_ and bit into it. It tasted fantastic, though he hadn't had any in forever.

"Bring my thanks to the chef." The waiter nodded, and scurried off. Madara had wanted to savour his favourite food, but he saw his targets stand and leave the shop. Madara sighed once again, and downed the scalding tea before grabbing the remaining inarizushi and sweeping from the shop. He was pretty sure he had left some ryo on the table to pay for the meal, but even if he hadn't it wasn't like he would visit the shop again. Madara looked over the crowd and spotted his targets walking off toward the river that ran through Konoha. With a smirk, Madara set about following them.

* * *

Madara leaned against one of the few trees dotting the riverside, watching as two foolish Jounin started a fight with his targets. He briefly considered jumping in to help, but smashed the idea when Kakashi showed up. He knew that both cloaked nin had spotted him and were tensed for the moment he joined in. He also knew that Kakashi had seen him as well, but was diligently ignoring him in favour of preventing the other two foolish Jounin's deaths. Seriously, who used Genjutsu against an Uchiha with the Sharingan? Madara rolled his eyes as Kakashi took the fight onto the water. Madara sighed again, and started towards them. At the rate they were going, Kakashi would be out for good before he got his revenge for that stupid assassination attempt all those months ago. He leaped onto the water, landing beside the now kneeling Kakashi, and frowned down at him. Kakashi tsked and looked away.

"Madara, what are you doing here. I thought you were with Sasuke." Madara gave him a flat stare.

"Sasuke-kun can look after himself for a few hours. He's not _that_ bad."

"He's a moody little brat." Kakashi mumbled, before he fell forwards, unconscious. And by the looks of it, it was caused by the Tsukuyomi. Madara whistled appreciatively. He had to admit, the younger Uchiha before him was quick with that Mangekyou of his. _'However,'_ Madara thought, a his lips tugging into a sneer. _'no where near **my** speed.'_ He returned his attention to the Uchiha before him.

"Well," Madara started, widening his arms into a mocking gesture. "shall we dance?" His sneer morphed into a smirk at the slightly defensive change in the younger shinobi's stance. " _I-ta-chi-kun?_ "


	55. Dance, Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi and Madara finish their not-so-epic battle.

Itachi ducked under a kick and tsked, before lashing out with his own kick. His Sharingan swirled madly in his eyes as Madara disappeared from his view. Acting on instinct, Itachi jumped up, forming hand seals as he went. He made the final seal as Madara reappeared right where he was last, and took a deep breath.

" **Fire-style! Fireball Jutsu!** "

* * *

Madara dropped down into the river as the fireball passed over him harmlessly. His Mangekyou spun lazily as he waited for the fire above him to stop. He began making seals as the fire started lessening. He leaped out of the water the second the fire stopped, and brought his final seal to his mouth.

" **Fire-style! Dragon Flame Jutsu!** " A large dragon made of fire burst from his mouth, and launched at the still-airborne Itachi. Itachi's eyes widened briefly, as he made a single seal.

" **Shadow Clone Jutsu!** " Itachi used the clone that appeared as a spring-board, and kicked off towards the river. The fire dragon engulfed the clone.

* * *

Itachi tsked again as he landed on the water, a few metres away from Madara. He gave Kisame, who was fighting rather evenly against Gai, a glance, before returning his attention to his ancestor. His brow furrowed slightly as he looked the other Uchiha over. _'If this is Uchiha Madara,_ _'_ He thought. _'then who is Tobi?'_ He had seen the masked man just a few days ago, no where near Konoha. And if what he heard throughout the village was true, then Madara had been in Konoha _long_ before Tobi returned from Kirigakure. _'Just why is Tobi using Madara's name as an alias? They act nothing alike.'_

"What are you thinking about, Itachi-kun?" Madara asked, a barely-there tone of sarcasm in his voice. Itachi felt his mouth turn down into a frown. _'On second thought, Tobi is spot on when he's serious.'_ Itachi looked out to the village, before turning to Kisame, who was in the midst of slashing downwards with Samehada.

"Kisame." Itachi called, making the shark man pause and look over at him.

"Yeah?"

"We're going. Our target is no longer in Konoha, and this battle with end badly for both of us." Kisame sighed and sheathed his sword. He leaped towards Itachi, sending a weary glance at Madara, who was smirking. Itachi closed his eyes and began molding his chakra. Kisame looked down at him and frowned.

"Isn't using _that_ a bit overkill?" Itachi gave him a non-commital hum, before his eyes snapped open, revealing his Mangekyou.

" **AMATERASU!** "


	56. Surprise Is An Understatement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsunade really was surprised, at least, that was the best way to describe what she felt.

Tsunade was... surprised. No, surprise was an understatement. There was no way to describe how shocked, horrified, happy, and absolutely furious she was that her grandfather and grandmother were standing in front of her, bickering about some seal that may or may not give her grandmother a _permanent_ body.

"NO WAY MITO-CHAN!" Tsunade felt her eyebrow twitch, and she vaguely noted the blond boy they left at her side wince lightly and cover his ears. _'Must have sensitive hearing.'_ Tsunade thought, before tuning back into her grandparents' argument. "That seal's WAY to DANGEROUS! You can't use it!" Hashirama shouted, though all Mito did was shrug.

"It's not like my body with disintegrate forever you know. If you'd give me ten minutes to reform, I'll have a permanent, almost infallible, not-an-almost-slave-to-Orochimaru body!" Mito sidled up to Hashirama, and pressed against him. "Besides, don't you wanna..." She leaned up and began whispering in his ear, and Tsunade watched as Hashirama's face slowly paled, then brightened happily, before finally flushing beet red.

"W-Well, when you put it like that..." Hashirama stuttered, before giving a consenting nod. Mito smirked smugly, and waved at Tsunade and the blond boy.

"Tsu-chan, Naruto-kun, follow me! We're going to have a good old-fashioned Uzumaki Fuinjutsu Lesson! You'll get to help granny Mito make herself a new body!" Tsunade felt a shiver of fear run down her spine as the blond boy, Naruto, cheered. Naruto ran up to Mito and began questioning her all about the lesson, and, while her grandmother was seemingly distracted, Tsunade attempted to inch away from them. She had had _enough_ of Uzumaki Fuinjutsu Lessons when she was a young kid. She _definitely_ did not need anymore. Perhaps Orochimaru's offer was still open? She had honestly forgotten how terrifying her oldest loved ones were. Maybe he could just bring Dan and Nawaki back? As she turned around to speed off to the furthest bar she could get to within the next half-hour, she felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder. "Oh, Tsu-chan, where _are_ you going?" Tsunade could swear that her grandmother took pleasure in seeing her stiffen like a board and stutter out a response in fear. Because that smirk on the redhead's face was anything _but_ nice. Tsunade bit back a whimper. _'Please, god, don't do this to me!'_ And then, as if the gods themselves heard her plea, a large plume of smoke erupted in a field about two miles from them. And the giant toad and snake that appeared made Tsunade sigh in relief.

"L-Look, grandmother! My old teammates might be killing themselves! So I _really_ need to go there and stop them or something! Take Naruto to your Uzumaki Fuinjutsu Lesson!" Before her grandmother could respond, Tsunade slipped from her grasp and body-flickered away.

* * *

Mito frowned at the spot her granddaughter once occupied. She turned to her sheepish husband and the curious Naruto.

"I always thought Tsu-chan enjoyed the Uzumaki Fuinjutsu Lessons..." She muttered, walking over to Naruto. She placed a hand on the blond's shoulder gently, and gestured to their hotel a few houses down. "Well Naruto-kun, how about we go have that lesson then? Meet me in the hotel room. I just need to get some paper, I'll be there in fifteen minutes max." Naruto cheered again and ran to the hotel. Mito watched him with a semi-smirk on her face. Oh, he was happy about it now, but Uzumaki Fuinjutsu Lessons were a torture in their own right. She sighed happily, and turned to her husband. "Hashirama-kun, where is your brother and that white-haired pervert?"

"They said they would go check out the other side of town for Tsu-chan or her assistant. Though, knowing Jiraiya-kun summons toads, I bet they're fighting over there." He pointed at the fighting summons. Mito frowned over at the animals. Then she smiled at her husband.

"Well, if Tsu-chan really needs to be there, I guess _you_ can help me with the lesson." Hashirama gulped as her smile turned decidedly evil and she grabbed his hand in an iron-grip. "Now, come along. We don't want to keep Naruto-kun _waiting._ "


	57. Almost a Test Subject

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mito stumbles upon Itachi attempting to kidnap Naruto. So she decides to invite him to their Fuinjutsu lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the impromptu hiatus, I've had a lot of real life stuff on my hands, plus I don't have a good computer to write on right now. Also, sorry about how short this is. Next chapter should be longer.

Hashirama trailed a little ways away from his wife, carrying two large bags filled with special seals-only paper and far too much ink than what he believed necessary. Mito had taken all of fifteen minutes to secure everything she needed, which surprised Hashirama because she usually took, like, seven times as long.

"Hashirama, dear, do try to keep up. We've left Naruto-kun all alone for far too long." He sighed.

"Yes, honey." Hashirama adjusted his grip on the bags, and sped up to match his wife's speed. Hopefully Naruto didn't get into too much trouble.

* * *

Hashirama felt his eyebrow twitch. He and Mito had arrived at the hotel, just in time to see Naruto chatting excitedly and ready to walk off with a known S-Rank criminal. Naruto looked over at them, and grinned. Hashirama saw the criminal's eye twitch ever-so-slightly as his red eyes landed on them.

"Mito-baa-chan! This is Itachi! He's Sasuke's older brother!" Hashirama groaned as a malicious glint appeared in his wife's eyes.

"Oh, really?" Mito said, eyeing the Uchiha. "Well, does Itachi want to join in on our fuinjutsu lesson?"

"Fuinjutsu?" Itachi muttered, his eyes narrowing. Mito's smirk turned decidedly evil.

"Oh yes,  _fuinjutsu._ " Itachi began backing away at that point, making Naruto frown.

"Where are you going Itachi? Mito-baa-chan's super cool!" Hashirama swore he heard Itachi mumble something that sounded like,  _'more like super crazy,'_  and he chuckled, which only drew a glare from his wife. Hashirama paled and coughed, trying to cover his chuckles.

"Naruto-kun, I just remembered," Itachi started, his Sharingan whirling as he glanced at a window at the end of the corridor. "that I need to go see Sasuke real quick. I'll be back soon." And with that, the Uchiha was gone, the window down the hall now wide-open.

"Darn." Mito said, pouting at the window. "He would have made a great test-subject."


	58. Tobirama Might Have Memory Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama fights Kabuto, but he can't quite remember his opponent's name(s).

Tobirama sighed as he dodged an attack by the white-haired medic-nin. The chakra scalpels the medic was using actually  _hurt_  him very much, which was why he tried to dodge every one he could. Jiraiya was on top of a large toad and was trying to hit that weird snake-like man from the Chunin Exams.  _'What was his name,'_  Tobirama thought, dodging another chakra scalpel,  _'Orekimaru? Orojimaru? Something like that.'_  Tobirama sped through a few hand seals before clapping his hands together.

**"Water Style! Water Shockwave!"**  He called out, and a large, spiraling, vortex of water appeared. He thrust his arm out towards the medic and the vortex exploded, sending a gushing wave at him. Tobirama jumped up once the medic leaped over the wave, and his hands flew through more seals.  **"Water Style! Severing Wave!"**  He took a breath before sending a high-pressure jet of water at the still airborne medic. The medic tsked before he used a quick  _shunshin_  to dodge. Tobirama dropped to the ground and sighed again.  _'This battle is dragging on.'_  The medic's hands glowed blue from the chakra coursing through them. "Talk about a one-trick pony..." Tobirama muttered, getting out a kunai.

"HIYAAAH!" Tobirama blinked at the war-cry, as his niece flashed in behind the medic and sent a punch at his face. She surprised the medic, causing her easily dodged punch to connect with his torso, sending him flying across the field, right past a stunned Tobirama.

"Ts-Tsu-chan?" He started, turning once to glance at the groaning, downed medic-nin behind him. "Where did you learn to do that?" Tsunade shuddered.

"Mito-baa-sama... she..." The blonde shuddered again, and Tobirama felt himself nod.

"I see." He cocked his head to the side. "Where is my brother?" The question made Tsunade shudder again.

"Fu-Fuinjutsu Lesson..." Tobirama grimaced and nodded.

"I see. You're welcome to join the fight here then." Tsunade gave him a smile, and began making hand seals. After making a final seal, she slammed her hand down on the ground with a call of,

" **Summoning Jutsu!** " Tobirama leaped away from the large puff of smoke that covered his niece. The smoke dissipated to reveal his niece standing on top of a large slug. Tobirama nodded appreciatively as the slug began spewing acid at the large snake that Oro-whatever-his-name-was summoned. Then, as the snake-summoner leaped onto the slug to attack Tsunade, his freakishly long tongue lashing out with a long sword, Tobirama remembered. He slapped a fist onto his hand with a shout of,

"Orochimaru! That's your name!"


	59. The Fuinjutsu Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mito is very, very terrifying, and only Uzumaki like Fuinjutsu Lessons.

"So..." Naruto started, dragging the thin brush down the paper in front of him. "this is Fuinjutsu?" Mito nodded, and Naruto frowned. He'd expected something much more... violent, what with the way Tsunade desperately flickered away and how Hashirama was still shaking a bit.

"Now..." Mito started, finishing off the seal before her. "we need a test subject." Naruto's eyes brightened.

"I'LL BE BACK MITO-CHAN!" Hashirama shouted as he disappeared, leaving the two Uzumaki alone. Naruto scrunched his nose up.

"I don't get it, what's so bad about Fuinjutsu?" Mito sighed and shook her head.

"I never understood why everyone else ends up so terrified after a good old-fashioned Uzumaki Fuinjutsu lesson." Mito looked around the room. "Give me a second, Naruto-kun. I'll get a test subject real quick." Mito flickered away, returning after a moment, a tied up thug-looking man in her arms. "This man volunteered!" She cheerfully said, dropping the man on the ground, where he then proceeded to try and wiggle away, all while trying to scream through the gag in his mouth. Naruto grinned wide and finished his own seal.

"Great Mito-baa-chan! Let's test these out!" Mito's cheerful grin turned into an evil smirk as she took the seal out of Naruto's hands and connected it with the one she drew.

"Now, Naruto-kun, if we got this seal right," Mito started, as she gestured to one of the seal from where she both on the man's forehead. "all his chakra should implode and his eyeballs should melt, as well as all the muscles in his body, oh, and can't forget that his bones will be ground into dust inside him, all while keeping him awake to see the pile of goo his body will become." She then gestured to the other seal. "This one, if it's right," She chuckled a bit, making the man whimper. "will reform everything that previously melted, to their very best. Understand?" Naruto nodded excitedly. "Great! Now, channel as much chakra as you can into this one..."


	60. Sasuke Should Really Learn to Knock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's basic manners Sasuke.

Sasuke ran towards the loud screams coming from the room Naruto was supposedly in. He just knew that his brother was in there, torturing Naruto. He clenched his fists and sped up. He skidded to a stop outside the room and froze as the screams stopped. He got out a kunai and, after taking a quick, calming breath, brust into the room, ready to fight. His eyes barely had time to focus on what was going on, as a hand slammed into his forehead and everything went black.

* * *

Naruto watched, amazed, as the tied-up thug screamed and slowly appeared to turn  _inside out._  His jaw dropped as, after a second of silence, the screams started up again as the thugs body reformed with a ridiculous amount of muscles.

"Wow Mito-baa-chan..." Naruto whispered, as Mito nodded proudly.

"The seals just need a bit of tweaking, and then I'll have a real body again!" Naruto turned to her to say something, when the door behind them burst open and a dark-haired teen jumped in with a kunai. In the blink of an eye, Mito had flickered towards the teen and slammed a seal onto his forehead, knocking him unconscious. Naruto hesitantly approached the down boy, and gasped.

"That's Sasuke Mito-baa-chan!" Mito blinked and shrugged sheepishly.

"Oops. He should have knocked." Naruto frowned, but nodded.

"Yeah, that's basic manners. Even I know how to  _knock._ " Mito nodded sagely and turned back to the now out-cold thug.

"Well, let's perfect those seals."


End file.
